labels

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

i hope that this post finds you in the best state of iman and taqwa, and may I also benefit from such, for somebody who lacks the qualities the most.. anyway I hope Allah will help me to articulate my thoughts in a way that will help us to understand.

for some reason(s), my mind has been wandering to the world of labelling. i think the word defines itself, so let me just get into the context of it, if I may. it's pretty inevitable that we live in a world of stereotypes and labels, people are grouped and pigeon holed into certain categories and yeah that's just the way people seem to think.

and people can be so mean about it. once the label is established, other people get into it and probably stay away from those being labelled. and this just sorts of create some kind of social enmity. i don't know, these terms are probably not legit, but take em with a pinch of salt, i'm still trying to figure out how exactly i'm going to get to my point (EDIT: well be aware that my eloquence is of shortage and what comes ahead is incredibly vague but still hoping you will get it insyaAllah).

what we know is that labels are there, just to... i don't know, so people can identify with or against. and they're inevitable, we can't help how people think. but we can help how we react to it. so many people get caught up with ready-made labels that they become afraid to discover themselves in fear of being included in these so called labels. but try to just stay away from them, when we label people, we should think of how it would be like for us to know that we are being labelled ourselves?

but far more significantly.. don't use this argument to be such a rebel either. be a standout, be against the mainstream, whatever.. but if you're just using this to convince yourself that your choices are okay, and that you are fine with the way you are... forget about everything else. and go back to basics. and what is that, you may ask? it is our relationship with Allah, our Master and we, as His slaves. if labels hinder us from improving this relationship, we might want to consider about a label He might place upon us. and if labels disguise our denial, that we don't have to be like all the other good people out there, as long as Allah knows what are in our hearts, we might want to stop finding loopholes in His words and ask for guidance to discover our true fitrah, and not the one that has been influenced by external factors, of which only ourselves can define what they are.

sorry if i have caused any offence in my choice of words, not of my intentions insyaAllah and of course if this serves as a reminder, it should only apply to me first and foremost. and if even for one split second, you may benefit from this, Alhamdulillah, it can only be claimed by Allah Azza Wajalla.

salam.

please don't wait when you can want it.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabaraktuh,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

you know how we generally in most cases hate waiting? we just don't like the process. be it waiting for our parents to pick us from school or waiting for the queue for our meds or waiting for our exam results. we always just prefer things that are now because well, later requires waiting and did I already mention that we don't like that?

right.. but what are we doing waiting now? generally we often think that we haven't embraced our relationship with Allah in ways that we should because we haven't had "turning points". it's like i know it's out there but i'll just wait for it to come find me. oh so now we wait, so now we want to wait? when waiting is not required? when this kind of waiting does not actually teach us about patience?

subhanAllah, has Allah not provided us with eyes so we shall SEE THE TRUTH, has He not provided us with ears so we shall HEAR THE TRUTH and has He not provided us with hearts so we shall FEEL THE TRUTH?

Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. (57:16)

subhanAllah, no better, no greater words than His.. so I ask myself before anyone else... can I really wait? Is waiting even an option here? If so, until when? Until the hearts hardens? Time is not ours so how can we afford this expense?

Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand. (57:17)

subhanAllah... how merciful is He. He gives us hope.. if we no longer wait, we can unlock our hearts by repenting, insyaAllah.. don't ever lose hope in the mercy of Allah, if we're really done with waiting and actually want to come to the truth...

And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good. (29:69)

subhanAllah! :') waiting is not in question here, it is a matter of wanting. so replace your I with a N and ask and be sure that He will give it to those who sincerely want it. and He is the All Knowing. subhanAllah..

may Allah forgive me for any wrong intentions of this post and all that erred are due to my flaws and all that are good are of nothing mine to claim but Allah. and as always and should be, speaking to myself before anyone else. Salam.

we are not the writer, we are the characters.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

i've been having some of what a hard time trying to get this post written, but i hope this won't come out forced or mandatory but i just feel like writing some words for the past 3 months. hmmm... well yeah, that's the problem, i don't know how to start. maybe... i will just... say...

alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for everything that has transpired throughout the past 3 months, whatever good, whatever bad, that had been decreed upon me and I just would like to say that it has been the best summer yet. I have discovered some of my strengths that did not come without acknowledging my weaknesses. Some of which I am aware of, others that I might not be. the pieces on the road ahead i anticipate to be some sweet, some sour, some tasteless, some bitter, some spicy, i don't know whatever else may come, i hope to always find the strength to endure them by remembering my true purpose first and foremost as His slave and insyaAllah, everything else that comes within the territory. and as always heavy hearted to leave home but insyaAllah will take comfort in the trust that I shall place upon Allah to take care of those I'm leaving. and hope to come back with... something... someone better, to put it simply. I'll say it again... this summer has been some of what the best gifts that He has ever given me. subhanAllah, alhamdulillah.

I have to say thank you, jazakamullahu khair to those who has been a part of my beautiful summer and most importantly, the lessons and memories that I managed to gain from all of you, subhanAllah, there is certainly no price for them. and of course, sorry to those I have not spent enough time with, I don't know what else to say but insyaAllah if He wills, then He wills, in the future, who knows? I believe completely that whatever has happened is written as the best for each and everyone of us, so there should no be what ifs. as that would also lead to whispers of syaitan. nauzubillah. so everything else aside, i hope to be able to find the strength to not be neither sad nor afraid. falaa khawfun alaihim walaa hum yahzanuun :) insyaAllah.

subhanAllah, incredible. if i just remember some of the things that has had happened... it's not one of those "felt like yesterday" moments because i recall so many things that has happened, they really did take place within 3 months hehe. not to say that all were good, but life is all about ups and downs, as cliche as it sounds, but we really need to be reminded of what matters most all the time, true? anyway, when theory translates into pratice is when real life begins ;)

all that are good are of nothing of mine to claim but Allah, and others that are not good are derived from my own inadequacies, insyaAllah. and where ever it is that we go, doesn't really matter, because what is more important, is the lessons that we are able to take and keep from the place and use them towards building us up as whoever we want to be and ultimately remembering our true purpose; 2:30, 51:56. read and reflect, speaking to myself before anyone else as the weakest of His slaves.

don't stop after why for we should not rest after we know the how.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah,

i read this entry on igotitcovered.org that was posted by a dear sister on Facebook (may Allah reward her for her good heart to share) and out of all hijabi stories I have read, this one really inspired me and made me feel really small. Alhamdulillah. may Allah reward the sister who wrote the article plenty, insyaAllah ameen. it was heartfelt and sincere how she spoke about what hijab represented to her and it made me think about what hijab means to me. I don't know, I can't say I have never thought about it, but what I mean is that I didn't really think about it in such a depth that come to think of it... might just be necessary.

hijab was only something that was quite recently attached to me, meaning for most of my life it was not something I paid much attention to, regretfully so. but alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, Allah has shed me some light and allowed for me to realize the reality of it.on some occasions, I might have carried some guilt over not wearing it but most probably due to some sort ofpressure in context or generally the question of why don't I have it on when every other girl has it on. I developed some rationale over the years to somewhat validate my choice of not wearing hijab; amongst of which are "I don't wanna wear it just because I have to", "I'm not really ready yet", etc. Astaghfirullahalazim. How merciful is He to have granted me with chances after chances to improve myself? subhanAllah.

I basically just did not understand it - the severe need to comply to Allah's words in terms of hijab just did not register to me at that time. Astaghfirullahalazim. I never really read the tafseer of the Quran so I obviously did not think about 24:31. I knew that it was wajib to wear hijab but I did not understand that it was wajib. Knowing is different than knowing and understanding, wouldn't you agree? And I have previously heard of horror stories about the wrath of Allah towards women who do not obey the hijab and it made me shudder and scared... but maybe only for a few minutes. I vaguely remember now when I was first introduced to this ayat and it made me ponder, it made me feel uneasy to hear those words ONLY because the guilt was more imminent after reading 24:31 - previously it had been people telling me about tudung and also because I grew up in Brunei so it was something I sorta knew as part of the package in Islam for women. But hearing 24:31 was different, as if hearing them from Allah as those are from Him, those are not the words people tell me, those are the words my Creator chose to speak to me as a woman and dare I neglect them? Although I didn't wear hijab right away, but that ayat, subhanAllah, jazakallah to a fellow slave of Allah who shared with me it, was not only eye-opening, I think it was heart-poking, in the sense where it made me think and it made me remember He who I have forgotten since a long time. subhanAllah.

Cut story short, when I started praying 5 times a day, I used to not really think about what Allah thought about me for a slave who prostates to Him five times a day yet does not cover herself because I was still in denial. But one day, I started to wear it, I'm not sure, I can't recall what was my niat back then, only Allah knows and may He forgive me if it was not for Him solely. and Alhamdulillah, He has given me chances after chances to enable me to arrive at today. I have to admit that my perception about hijab is nowhere near perfect and very flawed even as I am discovering the beauty of it gradually, insyaAllah. But for what I already know and feel, I will share...

I come from Allah, first and foremost and which makes me His slave and Him, my Master. So for every word He orders upon me, I cannot question, I can only run to obey until He is pleased with me. I come from Allah, first and foremost and which makes everything that defines me physically, mentally and spiritually also from Him will so dare I not take care of my physical, mental and spirit in the ways He told me to? I come from Allah, first and foremost, and which makes my body simply a loan from Him, so dare I say that I have liberty to do anything I want with it regardless of His orders for me to specifically take care of it? I come from Allah, first and foremost, and which makes everything that I have come from Him so how can I not feel syukur and pay my gratitude in ways that I am capable of? subhanAllah, only Allah knows how much I lack in these areas, and I speak here to remind myself before anybody else, as the weakest slave of Allah :'( and Allah knows that even today, I have not fulfilled 24:31 completely, it only means I have to try better. But Alhamdulillah for what He has willed me today, subhanAllah, for nothing would have been possible for me without Him.

And I am gradually learning that hijab is not just about covering my hair or other parts of my body. It's everything necessary to protectourselves from the dangerous gaze of the world upon us, to guard what Allah has kindly lent us, to sabotage the misleading perception about women and inferiority. Hijab is not oppression, hijab is our act of free will to obey our Lord, and we shall not be seen weak with it because hijab is strength. The sister on the blog spoke about this and I was enthralled by her expression of it, subhanAllah. I want to discover what she expressed as strength not through words but in a way that words cannot suffice. It is strength that it symbolizes and it is ad-deen hijab significantly represents. it is not fashion, it is not style, it is not simply outer beauty, it is not a trend, it is not to be made cheaply, it is modesty, security and our commitment to Allah, more than anything.

Personally, I think with this hijab, I feel like a different person, hopefully not primarily because of the physical differences but more importantly, how my heart has been affected by it. Allah knows, how much more I need to do so I can only pray to ask for His constant guidance because I would know no other way to walk towards the righteous path, insyaAllah. And like a friend has recently brought up in her status update, Hanisah AB baby ;), with the hijab comes a great responsibility... it has to reflect our deen and so we have to make it an excellent deen in order to show those who have not seen. it is shameful to think of, even until now, how I have not lived up sufficiently to the image... my actions and behavior sometimes or maybe most times, do not match the dignity and modesty that are attached to hijab. so these are the rooms of improvement that I shall explore and this facilitates the essence of why every one of us should ask ourselves what it means to cover ourselves for the sake of Allah. it is great if we have already established that we are wearing hijab for Allah and in pursuit of His pleasure and forgiveness. But that is only a portion of the reality which is why? Now, maybe it's the time to explore the how. And to be honest, this process will never end until we leave this dunia, but we have to only keep trying to the best of our capabilities, insyaAllah. Wallahua'lam. And forget we not, Ramadhan in the best platform to improve ourselves :)) and it is here now, what are we waiting for?

Please forgive me for anything that I might have caused you to be offended for any criticism that has surfaced is directed to me alone for the sake of attaining humility, that I constantly lack and know that all mistakes are derived from my own inadequancies whilst all the good that you might be able to take here is undoubtedly nothing of mine to claim but Allah. more importantly, may Allah protect me from wrong intentions of this post. Ramadhan Kareem :)

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss." (24:31)

the pursuit of happyness

assalamualaikum

bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

to begin this with a question of what is happiness is not quite easy, because I feel that it is a question that cannot be entailed with a few words, it can only be felt in one's heart, as tacky as that may sound, aint that the truth? I mean I will say happiness is what and what, but they would convey nothing unless the heart feels it too, insyaAllah. and furthermore, happiness is not something that of a constant, its definitions varies according to what the heart desires, innit? and it does not just vary amongst different people, it varies within the same person across time. about 15 years ago, happiness to me was probably candy and chocolates and cartoons and now, happiness to me are... well different.

for more than a long time, I have been under the impression much of happiness lies within what is in reach meaning... what this world can offer me. be it: great education that spurs onto great career which spins more to great money which ultimately leads to great life! and of course maybe slip in a lot of family and friends and love into some of that great equation and tadaa, happiness at its best! what more can the heart desire after all that greatness maxed into such a wonderful package of love and success?

what has probably led me to this point was the lack of accuracy and vagueness in definitions of happy in the first place. in retrospective, i think my heart was insulted by me not asking and referring to it when i was busy searching for happiness. i mean it is after all what it desired and i was fooled for such a long time to ignore its whispers and instincts, instead i listened to lust and lust and lust. astaghfirullahalazim. but now one might ask, what is it that this heart desires?

"Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism) and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest." (13:28)

subhanAllah :') our hearts long for this. and I've had the audacity to ignore this calling for such a long time, astaghfirullah. do we not remember that our hearts belong to who? Allah! He owns our hearts, we are borrowers and think what we have been doing to it... something that was given to us in a pure state of white, now has become a dark state of matter :'( what have we been feeding our hearts with instead of zikr and the likes of those Allah is pleased with... how would we be able to feel true happiness if we have been feeding it with so much of worldly desires? how would we be able to breach the distance between ourselves and our Creator if we want more of the world and less of the hereafter? why do we not realize that worldly happiness is ever so temporary - when will we realize that it will never be sufficient to attend our heart that is craving for the remembrance of Allah in its nature?

do I get it? do I see it? do I feel it? that happiness of the purest kind is only associated to the remembrance of my Rabb? because it's the only kind that never fades. i feel happy when i have money but money diminishes sooner or later. i feel happy when i'm with family and friends but they also disappear sooner or later. i feel happy when i get new shoes/clothes but they too depreciate sooner or later. i feel happy when i remember Allah and this is the most sure thing ever, which is that, this happiness will never diminish or disappear or depreciate.

remembrance of Allah is associated with being constantly conscious that He is watching our every move so we would be so scared to displease Him and would always try our best to do things that pleases Him. we find happiness when we pray with our hearts for the sake of Allah. we find happiness when we love our parents for the sake of Allah. we find happiness when we seek knowledge for the sake of Allah. we find happiness when we bathe, eat and sleep for the sake of Allah. this happiness is simplicity if you think about it, how every single daily routine that we have been engulfed in for most of our lives can be done in better ways by remembering Allah and intending them to please Him. subhanAllah :') islam is indeed a way of life. happiness is islam. happiness is when the heart cannot be separated from the Quran and Sunnah. happiness is to love Allah and Rasulallah SAW more than anything else. believe, believe and believe that this happiness will never fade and can only appreciate in value when taken care of greatly, insyaAllah.

so seek this happiness. ask for this happiness from none other than Allah. hold onto this happiness tight. and what's so special about this happiness, as if we need any more convincing?

"Behold verily on the friends of Allah there is no fear, nor shall they grieve" (10:62)

there is only one that we should fear always, that is Allah and there is only one that we should grieve over always- the sins that we have committed. and if we're happy because we remember Allah hence it would be easier to trust in Allah so whatever this world throws at us, why fear, why be sad? for things that are regarded as worldly? to completely hold onto the fact that Allah is sufficient for us, that's happiness. and check your heart now, what does it feel?

Narrated Abu Musa radiallahuanh: The Prophet SAW said "the example of the one who remembers (glorifies the Praises of) his Lord (Allah), in comparison to the one who does not remember (glorify the Praises of) his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one."

(Sahih Al-Bukhari 8/6407)

p.s: all that are good are completely derived from Allah and the flaws that are evident are only from my own inadequacies, sorry for such and may Allah bless us dunia Akhirat insyaAllah and if anything, i'm speaking to myself before anyone, check our hearts, check what it wants, and don't be fooled by the whispers of iblis and syaitan (14:22), and seek remembrance of Allah and please take full advantage of the upcoming Ramadhan, insyaAllah, for it is an opportunity like none other. wallahu'alam.

learn to let go with ease of those which are not lasting.

Assalamualaikum,

wow how much has time gone by... just makes more sense how temporary this world is, innit? (apehhh ter innit, innit) anyway yeah but insyaAllah, summertime has been exceptionally kind to me... well actually Allah has been exceptionally kind to me, despite the downs I have received since I came back, the ups insyaAllah and alhamdulillah are sufficient not to weigh me down :) wow so merciful kan our Rabb :')

it's just amazing you know, when you take some time to truly think about the outlook of your life since you entered this Earth. and start to acknowledge how wonderful the journey has been, despite some bitter we might have had to swallow along the road, how you have reached to the current path and then wow... seriously, how did I get here? and then it hits how Allah was the one who has been taking care of me all this time and it's MINDBLOWING. how can I neglect that feeling of love and care; the greatest one can ever give to me, one that is not capable by humans? subhanAllah. it's just really crazy amazing when we start realizing how much Allah has taken care of us... especially us who have led relatively easier lives compared to those in Palestine, Iraq, Rwanda, etc. Obviously it's not that Allah did not take care of them just because they led difficult lives, Allah is all the more Knowing so ofcourse we don't have definite answers but all we have to surrender is that we do not know anything except that He has willed us to know, and He knows everything. Even more so, Allah has plans for everyone and surrender more to the fact that He is the best planner of everything and what Allah has decided for each and every one of us is THE BEST OUTCOME, whether it's to our liking or otherwise. take comfort that whatever it is, Allah loves us all, He never harms us, it is ourselves who harm us. subhanAllah.. (check 2:216, 255)

alhamdulillah.. so today will be the last day of attachment, insyaAllah and i have to say that i walk out completely with different perspectives and feelings relative to my last post which was my first day :') it has been a really great experience, met really lovely people and just all around very incredible and sweet the whole thing has been. the working environment was different to what I have been previously exposed to and it's refreshing to be honest. it would have been pretty ideal and sweet and swell if all of us end up working at the same office nanti hehe , but I guess you just have to let some things go when it's time, right? insyaAllah. and insyaAllah this last day will do well also for all 13 of us :') may Allah bless us interns dunia Akhirat insyaAllah, ameen!

oh well praying for more productivity in the path of Allah of course and let us count our days to Ramadhan!!! wowowowow, mudahan Allah pertemukan kami dengan bulan yang paling siuk niiii ameen, insyaAllah. i can't wait for what presents Allah has in store for us this Ramadhan :'))) all praises be to Allah, indeed. all strengths and capabilities are derived from His might and nothing and absolutely nothing is from me :')

what this.. dear octopus has no auspice

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters yang dirahmati Allah!

very the break my language are it not, the title, but i want to mime a rhyme wawawawa :p

*INSERT VIRTUAL SMILE* :)))))))

i know i'm not usually that chirpy virtual or non-virtual but smiling is definitely something we all need to do more, sunnah kali ahhhhhhhh. so i hope that you all are in a good state of iman and health, insyaAllah. and i know this place is beginning to seem dusty with the lack of updates or even substance, I have a lot of things that I want to write about for months, seriously, but somehow I don't have the articulateness to translate them into words yet. Indeed all my strengths come from my Creator, thus I am weak without my Rabb :) subhanAllah..

i'm starting work attachment today, in about two hours or so! eeeeeeeeeeeek. very i don't look forward to but kalau sudah Allah pilih ana untuk melaluinya, kena perbetulkan niat dan buat KERANA ALLAH first and foremost, insyaAllah. i very the needs to pep talk myself always so i can be in high spirits, mudahan antum semua juga dapat manfaat dari membacanya, insyaAllah. but i will very muchos miss free days and time to go meet friends :) subhanAllah, one of the BEST parts of my holiday. i cannot say it enough how mindblowing the past few weeks have been in a very simple way (despite the grandness that the word suggests).. sigh.. memang semua kurnia Allah.. masyaAllah, very syukur, insyaAllah..

also, in the spirit of... the end of the World Cup, can I just say that I hate the gung ho ness about the octopus? Astaghfirullah. insyaAllah, ana will not directly or indirectly write condescendingly. but I was horrified the second I heard about it, and then I was just sad. Kenapa boleh dunia gegar dengan seekor sotong yang tiada kena mengena dengan kerja Allah? Astaghfirullah. We cannot even have a dot of amazement at the fact that the octopus predicted rightly who was going to win the match. Jangan bro, jangan.. ingat.. REMEMBER... LIVE, BREATHE AND DIE LA ILAHA ILLA ALLAH. nikmatilah apa sebenarnya maknanya. I know it's not that people are worshipping the octopus tapi what's behind the message of actually being in awe of it and its "ability"? PERCAYA PADA ALLAH, bukan percaya pada sotong kan! semua datang dari Allah, tanamkanlah dalam-dalam yang hanya Allah yang maha mengetahui.. kitani termasuk sotong, parrot, giraffe dan sewaktu dengannya tidak mengetahui melainkan apa yang Dia kehendaki. Wallaua'lam. Ana afwan kalau ada yang tersalah bahasa, tapi ana harap message yang ana cuba sampaikan ana faham, bukan kerana sindiran atau to ridicule people but insyaAllah kerana peringatan buat semua ESPECIALLY DIRI ANA yang sungguh alpa dan lupa kerana dunia.

taking this from Ustaz Zaharuddin's facebook status:

Spain akhirnya menang Piala Dunia 1-0, terdetik mengharapkanya kalah kerana bimbang, ramai menjadi syirik dek kerana ramalan sotong. Saya juga tidak sokong Holland mengenangkan permainannya yang kotor dan kerajaan barunya dipimpin oleh parti ahli parlimen pereka filem Fitna, Gert Wilders yang membenci Islam.

alhamdulillah back home!

Assalamualaikum,

alhamdulillah i am back home in Brunei... it's been bliss to be reunited with my family and the ambiance of some kind of serenity that i have adhered to for most, if not all my life. all praises be to Allah... it really feels like a present... something that i have valued more this year coming home, maybe because I haven't been here for about 9 months or so, but still I don't know, it just feels sweeter... how Allah made it all possible for me.. and my friends to be back here.. something that I did not give much weight to last year. Alhamdulillah. memang kan, semua pun boleh di lihat sebagai hadiah dari Allah.. sememangnya Allah saja yang mampu bagi kitani segalanya.. samaada yang tani minta atau inda.. Allah lebih tau kemahuan dan KEPERLUAN ketani... hehehe.. insyaAllah peringatan buat semua especially diri yang kuat termakan dunia ini...

anyway... insyaAllah rasa kan mau share something di sini... macam lama sudah rasanya inda kan... memang masa ni rasa iman inda seberapa lah... so insyaAllah dengan sharing di sini boleh ingatkan diri dan orang lain jua kalau di izinkan Allah.. hehe. dalam kesiukkan balik brunei, di sambut dengan pelbagai nikmat, dengan tidak disedari... kadang-kadang iman tu turun tia pulang.. masjid di UK scarce, di cari-cari... hati sedih kerana berada di tanah orang putih kerana islam minority... tapi sesudah di Brunei.. masjid mana-mana... azan yang sungguh merdu berkumandang... masih tidak mampu membangkitkan iman ke? mana perginya rintihan hati di UK yang rindu dengan keislaman masyarakat? ana pun inda tahu... sebab ana sendiri bertanya soalan ni pada diri....

actually ani memang lari sikit dari the topic that i want to talk about.. huhuhu inda apa lah.. insyaAllah i'll try writing it next time.. anyway atu saja to update, insyaAllah.. sama-sama kita enhance remembrance of Allah... just remember and associate every goodness with Allah... remember that His mercy exceeds His wrath... walaupun maybe rasa diri kekurangan.. banyak dosa... malu dengan Allah.. ingat lah that Allah selalu waiting for us with open arms... Allah Maha Pengampun.. hopefully hati-hati tani dilembutkan oleh Nya agar kita semua mendekatkan diri tani padaNya.. kalau bukan pada Allah, pada siapa lagi tani kembali kan... insyaAllah. speaking to myself before anyone else, sorry if i misspoke or mis...wrote? teehee.

salam!

Assalamualaikum,

i has no idea about energy conservation day in Bru Bru, neither do i has an opinion about it. but here's a perspective that we ought to think about as shared by my dearest brother, bang jirs. Alhamdulillah. insyaAllah we can all benefit from reading, ameen. just something to ponder over perhaps?

PERSPECTIVE

filler chiller.

assalamualaikum,

man how delusional have i been. not studying for almost a week. and went shopping for home before my last paper. and catching up on season finales and whatnot. ridonkulez. once the revision switch dims, it's suddenly too dark to find the switch to turn it on again, numsayen. but must put on essay gear soon, 4 essays in thr33 hours bebs. although it's a seen exam. but no notes. insyaAllah can doooooooooooooo. work + prayers + tawakkal = your job done. insyaAllah. i am preaching to myself btw, as you can probably tell what my studying habits are (excessive breaks - actually 5 hours is excessive, i don't know what 7 days is) uhhh a week? craig david's song? i totals crack myself up *crickets*

anyway i'm super psyched to be home.. insyaAllah will go smoothly.. albeit what I presume will be a bittersweet first week :'( adjust, insyaAllah. can't believe i haven't been in brunei for most of the year... pretty sure things have changed just as much as they haven't changed there, heh. either way, i can't wait to embrace it.

hehe home :) 8th june and then. 4! yayers!!!! :)) insyaAllah.. btw reminder to self mostly.. even though exams are gradually subsiding.................................... don't let all the prayers subside too :( exams, no exams, must spend time with Allah outside of solat (as in not just 5 times a day within 10-30 mins), insyaAllah. take note, hazeerah ariffin!!!

dark clouds.

assalamualaikum.

i feel completely helpless. i want to get over this state of fear about the consequences of the future so much. dark clouds are above me. the only thing that keeps them away from stomping on me though is hope. hope that i am frankly struggling to keep. and it questions my heart where it really is. but i know, as i repeatedly inject into my thoughts that this hope is all i have. i am helpless but i am hopeful. i have nothing else to cling onto but hope. i really in every sense of the word have nothing to hold onto but hope. there is nothing that suffices me but hope. and i really don't care at the risk of sounding cliche at all because that is the furthest of what I'm feeling, of what I feel :')

just when i'm on the brink of hopelessness... the last few strands of hope save me from drowning and following where the dark clouds go. the last few strands. just when I'm about to fall and maybe I have fallen.. something picks me up.. and that is that bit of hope I managed to keep amidst the situation that I am enveloped in. and there's nothing else that will keep me going.. there's nothing else that can make me go but this hope.

sorry for painting such vagueness and maybe depressing the already darkening clouds. but there is a silver lining. there is always a silver lining.. maybe i can't see it now, maybe you can't see it now, but i believe in it truly that there's always a silver lining.. especially when you hold onto hope. and the "hope" that I have been speaking of in context is not the kind of slogan Barack Obama used in his presidential campaigns or anything of that sort.

Hope that has me going here is the one that has been placed by Allah. seriously, i keep telling myself.. if i lose this, i have nothing else. the hope that i so desperately need that enables me to breathe in a myriad of difficulties. this hope that helps me walk through thorns and hardship. the source of this hope.. more than anything.. is completely my everything. at this point, whatever will the outcome be.. that is what Allah has made for me.. and what I can take comfort in is that I have hope upon Him.. hope on His mercy upon me.. that will never die, insyaAllah.. because without this faith, how will I be able to stand? where would I go to in prosperity and adversity?

ya Allah.. only You know my joys and sorrows. sometimes, or most times, I don't even think I understand my own feelings and thoughts, but You know me more than I know myself.. and what will keep me going through uncertainties in life is the certainty that You are sufficient for me, insyaAllah :)

Multiple choices

Assalamualaikum,

so... during many points in life, surely most of us have met anger. and there we stand, we had two choices: walk away or embrace it. maybe i can't speak for the rest of you, but i'll tell you that for more than many occasions that I can count, I chose the latter. because almost always, I walk and run through life with ego. there's someone we know all to well?

there's just something about attending to my ego. listening to it, the need to stroke it emanates some sort of sick pleasure even if only for a few moments. and when it's not being attended to, there's that voice that scolds me... how could you have just walked away from that? how weak are you that you chose to keep quiet during all of it? don't you have principles? are you seriously going to let him talk to you like that? defend yourself! you know you're right!

Reaction a) You're right.. I shouldn't have to stand for this and accept it, I'm putting my foot down, I can't be treated like this!!!!

Reaction b) Shut up. I'm going to take wudhu and calm myself down because I do not want to react impulsively and do something that would displease my Lord. go away.

tick where relevant? i hope i will remember to take this multiple choice exam the next time I'm confronted with anger and ego.

anger is indeed a human emotion. a natural one? maybe. macam it's such a consuming emotion, that you need to satisfy kalau inda, inda puas... and indeed it's something that all of us find difficulty in controlling. but fact is... everytime I choose to embrace it.. my heart darkens.. and slowly my iman diminishes as my ego is catered to more, than my iman. so really.. is it worth to cater to my ego and anger at the expense of a diminishing iman? which fulfillment will last longer - the answer is clear yet it's still difficult for us to ponder over. manusia.. kami sungguh hina dan lemah.. ya Allah, ampunilah dosa-dosa kami kerana sesungguhnya tiada yang mengampuni dosa-dosa selain Engkau. ameen.

The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strong man is only the one who controls himself when he is angry. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Rasulallah Sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam said, "Whoever does not argue when he is in the wrong will have a home built for him on the edge of Paradise. Whoever avoids it when he is in the right will have a home built for him in the middle of Paradise. And whoever improves his own character, a home will be built for him in the highest part of Paradise." [Tirmidhi]

sama-sama lah kitani ambil kata-kata Rasulallah S.A.W., for no man can offer better advice than Allah's messenger... insyaAllah..

ps: i hope this post doesn't come across as angry because it's not meant to. just in case, let me just add some HEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHE in hoping that'll change your mind :D :D :D and as yush, speaking to myself before anyone else... all praises be to Allah for every goodness and anything flawed falls upon my own weaknesses.

Language/Bahasa... mana saja.

Assalamualaikum,

wow. se7en days to first paper. fuh. mudahan Allah tolong kitani semua, insyaAllah. ameen.

anyway, moving onto a different subject altogether..

I kind of have a bone to pick with, with people who have a problem with people choosing what language they want to speak in. I don't know, I guess I don't understand the cultural backlash of it all but I mean you can't scold somebody for speaking in a language he chooses to express himself with and instead want him to speak the language you want him to. You know?

No disrespect to anybody in particular, honestly. But I was just thinking that it's offensive to tell people that speaking a foreign language is disgraceful. For me personally, I don't choose to speak in English because I am ashamed to speak Malay. And for the record, I do speak Malay as well.. and honestly in my household, I speak about a 1:1 ratio of English and Malay. i didn't allocate such balance intentionally lol, but yeah I guess I like to express myself in both languages and that's okay.

actually the above seemed quite defensive kekekeke. this wasn't based on personal attacks, btw, just something that I find pretty relevant. Anyway the point of the matter is, you might have reasons why you find speaking in foreign languages is degrading to your culture and heritage, but there is no reason to impose such creed upon somebody else. I guess if necessary, it would be good to remind somebody not to forget their roots.. yeah it is pretty necessary actually.. but we need to remember to do so in gentle manners. try reminding with subtlety and not condescendingly. nothing good comes from (negative) sarcasm, right? oops. i think i just tasted my own bitter medicine *looks at blog title*. and yeah i do believe in such a thing called (positive) sarcasm. huhuhu. i'm learning my limits alright? :p

so, it shouldn't be something to look down upon. biartia ya cakap english saja, kalau ya mau. kalau ya mau cakap melayu pun, biartia, maybe lebih baik. kalau ya mau cakap Arab, lagi tia baik kan. yes, language is identity, but you know what else, it's diversity. we recognize the differences but let's try to take the good in them and leave the bad ones behind, insyaAllah. cematu jua lah the deal with Westernisation is relevant here, it's not good to be carried away with adopting Western lifestyle into our households so again, try to take what's positive and leave what's negative. And significantly, culture shouldn't dictate how we live our lives.. culture is.. culture.. it's a huge component in life but what transcends it? islam, of course :D so cakap apa saja language asalkan inda memurkakan Allah.

i guess this is just my two cents in. and yeah, this is advice to me primarily as always speaking to myself before anyone else...... mana kami sedar kadang-kadang.. benda yang kami inda suka arah orang lain.. rupanya ada arah diri sendiri...

Kaching and what does it matter?

i crave for money for probably various different reasons but mostly just want to live comfortably in this world. i almost completely hold onto it as an essential means, not to just survive, but maximize my insatiable desires. money facilitates my materialist cries and enhances my superficial mind until I allow so much love for it, the love for money reaches my heart. and suddenly the real purpose of life slowly fades into obscurity as money offers itself as a medium to reach my optimum utility.

but I get so insulted when the value of my life is associated with money such as that you can't place a monetary value on a person's life. such that a person's life is immeasurable against price. okay. if the value of my life is indeed priceless, why do I strongly attach price to achieve the value of my life? they might not be precisely the same, but i have to admit that on some level, there is some irony in there. I pretty much acknowledge the fact that one's life is far too valuable; that cannot be measured against anything tangible. and a life is.. a life.. you can't get it back once it's gone. but how come I talk the talk but not walk the walk? if really I think that my life is THAT precious, why do I live my life in ways that don't match its worth?

money does make a lot of things appear easy and convenient. they say money doesn't buy you happiness but how come I feel happy after certain purchases? well i guess sometimes they just do. such happiness might not be true happiness, but that's for another post insyaAllah. So money appears to be necessary in this life, can't go without it, can I? Unfortunately, I often forget the bigger picture here. all the money this world can find belongs to Allah Azza Wajalla ergo every dollar and penny come from Him; so think now have I been spending money that He gave the ways He would be pleased with? EVEN MORE SO, HAVE I THANKED HIM (ENOUGH) FOR SUCH BLESSINGS? Sadly.. I remember myself thinking.. "wish i had more money.. wish i had the money to get that.. wish i had more money.. wish i.. more, more, more, hopefully Allah will give me more in the future, Amin." WHERE IS THE THANKS? WHERE IS THE GRATITUDE? WHERE IS THE HUMILITY? Astaghfirullahalazim.

Pernahkah ku sedar kebesaran Allah dengan cara-caraNya? Allah bagi money supaya I can eat so I can have the energy untuk beribadat. Allah bagi money supaya dapat tinggal arah rumah.. so that I have a place to rest at night time.. dapat sembahyang, beribadat, etc. Allah bagi money supaya dapat belajar.. Allah emphasizes for us to seek knowledge and we do so through education system from attending to schools in Brunei to University now. Allah bagi money supaya dapat sedekah arah orang fakir miskin, supaya ada chance dapat pahala tolong orang susah, dapat pahala because Allah suka orang yang bersedekah.. He gives me money as a means.. as a means to be closer to Him.. yet.. there are more times than I could count in which I walked the other road :'( Astaghfirullahalazim.

kenapa cakap allowance government bagi inda cukup? pasal accommodation mahal bah. takes half of the allowance, or even more. So? Kenapa focus on that instead of saying "Wow masyaAllah, alhamdulillah Allah bagi money senang-senang supaya dapat bayar rent every month so I have this stable and proper place to stay." Other people of my age are probably out there struggling to pay tuition and accommodation fees and I as much as don't need to lift a finger, yet here I am asking for more. Astaghfirullah.

It doesn't take me 5 minutes to answer how I've treated money all my life. to quench my thirst of nafsu. Bukan kah Allah inda suka tu melayan nafsu dunia yang berkelebihan? Astaghfirullah. ya Allah, ampunkanlah hambaMu yang sungguh alpa ini :'(

why do I keep letting myself conform to this consumer society - one that excessively consumes now thus forgoing the investment of the afterlife. Am I really prioritizing a life that is short-lived relative to an eternal one in the Hereafter? What am I after? Who am I doing all of this for? oh why is it so easy for me to be blinded by money.. by materialism.. that cannot progress me towards the path of Allah but only delay it. why do I let myself be defined by the things that I have or the things I want to have? does Allah look at my possessions? Does He value my physical assets? or is He just interested in my heart? If it is my heart that Allah values me for, then why am I doing things that are damaging to the one thing that Allah wants me to look after? If it's not the material things Allah cares that I achieve in this world, what are they for?

If I don't care of what Allah thinks, what is left of me? If I choose to ignore what is actually wrong with me and how I choose to utilize my time in this world, what will I do when He questions me? What will I say to Him when He asks me where did I put Him in my list? What will I say when He points out that I have put Him below money and worldly materials in the list? What will I say or do when the only things I have in the list are money and materials?

why am I more concerned about my dunia balance and not my akhirat balance? why do I constantly complain about not having more than I have been given rather than crying over my countless sins and ways I have caused the displeasure of Allah? why do not I remember that Rasulallah S.A.W. never let anything in sight and mind to delay or prevent him from submitting himself to Allah Azza Wajalla? and he is the greatest example of mankind. why do I not cherish the examples set by the sahabah - Abu Bakar gave everything away during war time because he did not care for money as much as he cared about pleasing Allah - he did not care to leave money for his family because he trusted that Allah takes care of them and that is sufficient. MasyaAllah :')

so what I'm trying to say is that I should try and submit myself to Allah in more ways than one.. and in this context, submit myself away from materialism and just be grateful for what Allah has given me thus far. I should be more unaffected by money and material things so they don't distract me from submitting myself to Allah. Nothing in this world means anything without Him, so it is only right that I make Him my utmost priority. InsyaAllah.. everyday is a battle with myself, with my nafsu.. insyaAllah He will guide us onto the most righteous path, Amin.

speaking to myself before anyone else and forgive my mistakes as they are unintended and derived from my own weaknesses and anything good that you are able to take is completely and wholly from Allah so all praises be to Allah and nobody else.

10 reasons why I love Brunei.

Wheeee I'm on a digressive mode (away from essay writing) so let's roll with 10 reasons why i love Brunei. okay i'm not completely manic, i've been meaning to do this to commemorate national day last week and i'm really trying to be awake in the midst of doing work.

1. FREE HEALTH CARE. don't complain if you have to fork up a dollar for your dentist appointment or whatever because a dollar doesn't even pay for a quarter of a pill in some other countries. and we shouldn't even complain about a long queue because health care is for everyone; you're not the only who are vulnerable to viruses and bacteria and it's free for God's sake, you can't complain.

2. FREE EDUCATION. oh my God. seriously. we don't even get terrible hand me downs textbooks. as i recall, in form 6, we got NEW fresh expensive history textbooks. oh yeah well we needed to return them at the end of every academic year but dude, no exorbitant school fees and resources are provided so easily like that.. masyaAllah. alhamdulillah.

3. PAY NO TAXES. okay, don't go and say "road tax ada jua..............." RELATIVELY, we pay like no tax at all. and so you can also cross tax evasion from that list of potential crimes in brunei.

4. THE SULTANATE. love how islam IS one of the main foundation of this country's administration. Alhamdulillah! come to think the journey our nation had gone through from being known as Poli/Poni founded by Awang Alak Betatar later called Sultan Muhammad Shah circa 1360 (primary school sejarah smack WHOOPA) wow. how much Allah has blessed our country, Allahuakhbar! appreciate what our sultans have had done for us, masyaAllah. their contributions and sacrifices for people of Brunei tend to be underestimated. may Allah bless all our 29 Sultans, Amin. alhamdulillah we were born into a country that has established islamic values.. surely there are many rooms for improvement.. but having those rooms to start with is already pretty good eh? alhamdulillah.

5. NO (EASY) ACCESS TO ALCOHOL. basically this law synchronizes with islamic principles and it makes one "work hard" to buat dosa. so that's discouraging.

6. 80% OF PARKING SPACE IS FREE and even if it does cost... less than 5 dollars bui. in UK, you have to go to a freaking machine to get a parking ticket if you want to place your car under a tree, darn it. see.

5. YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND A PLACE TO PRAY masjid bejurit yo inda tercari sudah inda banyak di sini baru mencari... hakikat manusia?

6. PETROL IS HEAVILY SUBSIDIZED enough said?

7. (relatively) CHEAP FOOD so much GOOD cuisine in brunei. so much. and at relatively reasonable prices yo. I HEART BRUNEI FOOD although that may constitute THAI, CHINESE, JAPANESE AND ITALIAN food *GRIN* and also a person can be fed with ONE BLUE A-DOLLA, only at pasar malammmmm.

8. THE TRAFFIC CAPACITY ISN'T TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT IT CAN CAUSE IMMENSE STRESS at most, usually people get stuck in traffic during certain hours of the day and inda lama banar lah, at most probs one hour or less, most probs less. i think it goes on way longer in countries such as Bangkok, etc.

9. WEATHER ISN'T AS FICKLE yes, it's a hot country... but plessss enter room ada air cond what.... and countless times we've been blessed with rain.

10. IT'S HOME a place where my family resides. and that's what makes home a home ey? and no place feels like it ;)

admittedly, i could have come up with better reasons relative to some others i randomly thought of. but they're fine and now i'm off to working on why political intolerance damages the quality of democracy with reference to gay Americans.

oh and yes happy birthday, F square (yeah i can't get this to be mathematically programmed and type an indices), you STIG photogenix superstarz you.

salam, see you next time, insyaAllah.

MARCH...ing towards time.

Yes, that was quite an excellent or lame (gosh I dislike that word) if you have no sense of humor, pun I came up with above. I know right, I almost left myself in awe, where do I get this stuff from. so this is almost completely uncharacteristic of me to not be looking forward to another holiday season. it is officially March and i'm getting really freaked out by the minute. i feel like i want to start but everything else is catching up with me that i can't really start then. wow.. even I don't buy that excuse.

but no seriously. meh. isn't time spent worrying contributing to time lost? oh my barely 8 months old sony laptop started to make loud noise last night (i am almost convinced it's the fan or whatever) and obviously i'm utterly moved by this implication that i cannot seem to keep a laptop healthy for barely more than a few months. anyway i think it is a sign that i should be reducing time on this technology and solve my problem above. Allah has His ways :) (is it also a sign to......... take this laptop to wherever I bought it for check up WHISTLE)

i hope the next time i write i'll be at home. ha ha ha. jokes. decisiveness sadly almost never wants to wear me. oh and btw Valentines Day the film was surprisingly not cheesy. Well maybe that's not so fair because every rom-com HAS cheese. But this movie was a pretty good pasta let's just say.

anyway it shall be good to start another new month with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim and syukran Allah because we're all still here and breathing and able to say Your name, Alhamdulillah.

(btw everyone knows it's March and the only reason why I know it's Rabiulawal now is because Maulidur Rasul was last week... we gots to recognize Hijrah calendar way better than that bro.)

oh ibu.. engkaulah ratu hatiku.

ya Allah..

ampunkanlah dosa-dosa ibuku..
cucurilah rahmatMu padanya dikubur..
jauhkanlah dia dari azab-azab pedih dan neraka jahanam..
dekatkanlah ibuku ke syurgaMu..
tempatkanlah ibuku bersama golongan orang yang beriman di akhirat nanti..

Amin..

let me keep my thoughts of pain and love and be them reminders for me. 18 years yet i know for many more to come, i can't ever erase this special place in my heart I have harbored for you. i shall remember you. syukran Allah for enabling me to say my prayers for my mother. and i can only ask that You enable me to continue to do so and insyaAllah grant my prayers for my mother. and, I miss you so dearly :') for the shortest time you took care of me, you remain the most incredible woman to me. i can't ever repay you for the gift you have given me, but insyaAllah i pray Allah rewards you with Jannah. Amin.

the non-existence of our loved ones only make our existence in this world much more valuable. think about it. you are still able to ask for Allah's forgiveness.. they can't.. so dare we have the audacity to not seek Allah when He has given will to do so? ya Allah.. forgive us for our weaknesses and may You continue to guide us onto the most righteous path. Amin.

Al-Fatihah.

BRISOC's Islamic Awareness Week

hair low guys.

I just wanted to drop by to talk briefly about the islamic awareness week we had here in Bristol over the past week. I was writing a detailed review of the event but I realize I don't have much time in going over every talk although I want to because they're all too good to leave out, but I guess I will do so another time. For now, I'll just share some of my thoughts... as usual.

It was truly an amazing event - in the sense where it was an open door of knowledge for both Muslims and non-Muslims. It was vital for non-Muslims particularly to access TRUE concepts about Islam instead of 'learning' it from the media *WHISTLE* But it was as essential for me to make use of the events because obviously whilst I'm still learning, it helped me to connect some veins that were disconnected. It was 'Discover Islam' week and to be frank, there are so many levels that even Muslims haven't discovered and the event was certainly a platform to do so.

The talks offered interesting topics but essentially shared a lot of grounds i.e. purpose, God's indisputable existence, etc. I enjoyed most of them too especially question and answer sessions. And you get to hear classical questions as well as well thought out ones nonetheless being able to hear several takes on the subject is sufficiently refreshing. Some speakers were inevitably more enjoyable than others to me but they all had different strengths in terms of style really. Adam Deen presented his counter argument to Richard Dawkins' the God Delusion which was relatively more scientific than others. It was really good actually although felt slightly lost during some points only because I contain limited knowledge about what he was saying. His responses were well articulated and I thought he was pretty impressive overall. Just pointing out to a slight turn off though in one of the talks, the speaker was more than slightly politically geared (hint guy running for Parliament) and sort of left some people confused with what he was really trying to convey and he was aggressive too and of which both factors made my face feel hot with tension. *insert inability to adapt to awkward situations*. Then there was the multifaith panel they had; islam, Christianity and judaism. That was great you know incorporating other religions into the event so people can compare and see what they're like, etc. But personally I thought it would have been nicer if they had a panel for atheism (which is ironically no faith to be included in a multifaith panel), or something other than Christianity or Judaism i.e. Hinduism, Buddhism of which I find to be pretty inaccessible so that would have been more interesting I think. The finale in particular was amazing. It really was icing on the cake, with cherry on top. If you guys get a chance to attend a talk by Hamza Andreas Tzortzis, do make some time because the guy's breadth of knowledge is astounding. He was incredibly engaging- loved his style, his presentation, his interaction with the audience; it was light and casual yet respectable. RECOGNISE

It is quite sad that it's over because I was really getting used to listening to the talks and having constant reminders to such a forgetful mind like mine was a treat. Alhamdulillah. What struck me at every talk I attended was how amazing it felt to be a believer. I sat there and I listened to their arguments of which I was nodding along to, because I was already convinced and then I thought a lot of other people particularly non-Muslims must certainly challenge some concepts in their minds. I don't know if you guys are getting my point but it just felt so much of a blessing you know, that Allah almost intrinsically, if I can say that, granted me with such faith. Although it was shaky and imperfect, even today, I can't deny so but it was still a blessing that He granted me an environment or a background that accentuated a life towards pleasing Him. So much so that I need not question Him to such degrees that non-Muslims probably would. But you know Allah has plans for everyone, but bottom line is it was just a realization of another one of His infinite blessings so syukur Alhamdulillah.

conclusively, i just pray that i would be able to apply what i learnt towards improving my submission to Allah, insyaAllah.. as they said IAS has ended but our journey continues. I know, that was slightly a tacky goodbye send off message but it's extremely true so you know. okay wow, so much for brief eh?

Salam

Why has God created problems for us?

I know this is quite a famous question; one that we might have asked ourselves or out loud. I find this question to reflect quite a shallow concept of Allah to be honest although it is still interesting to talk about. So yes, why is this world so difficult to live in with all sorts of problem that we go through? One might say if God is really there, then why are there so much pain and hardship in this world? Classic question. Why didn't He just make us all agents of peace and obeyed His commands flawlessly and thus achieve a life of happily ever after?

First and foremost, let me just be clear when I say behind everything and anything that happens.. there is indeed a reason. The reason(s) might be beyond our comprehension, but they're reasons nonetheless. Most importantly, let us ingrain the fact that only Allah knows about everything and His decrees are much too brilliant that most times we can't figure out why something happens. So, as much as I want to be eloquent in an attempt to refute this 'why has God created so many problems for us' question, ultimately the best response would be 'Allah Maha Mengetahui' and we simply do not deserve to question Him. But allow me to share my thoughts anyway.

The fact that we live in a difficult world; one that has been through countless numbers of war, recession, injustice, inequality, racism, religious intolerance, terrorism, discrimination, other political, economic and social problems.. does not diminish my faith in Allah at all. Because I simply do not see how imperfect this world is as a reflection of His magnitude. Surely His creations and designs are flawless as illustrated by some visible to the naked eye such as nature, etc and the latter such as our body system, etc. When I am talking about imperfect world, I'm referring to the misfortunes that we see or go through ourselves. So yes why do we live in such imperfection?

Allah defines perfection. He is One and Almighty. The fact that we are convinced of how flawless He is inclines us to willingly submit ourselves to Him. Would you be willing to accept something or someone that is flawed as your God? Probably not right? So anyway if we were created in perfection in every aspect; (appearance, personality, attitude, behaviour, capability etc) what would distinguish The creator and His creations? How would a perfect form worship another form of perfection? If we were perfect in a sense that we encounter no or little problems in life, why would we seek another form of perfection and in this context Allah?

Significantly, Allah creates problems for us because He wants to test us. It is a test of faith when we are faced with calamity and hardship. It is probably much easier to blame someone when we find ourselves in severity but just think about it for a little while. If you believe in the Hereafter, in places called Paradise and Hell.. the descriptions you have read in the Quran.. doesn't the former sound incredibly blissful and the latter sounds extremely horrifying but both seem to be beyond our imagination. So yes, Allah speaks about Paradise.. it's really the place to be, isn't it? MasyaAllah.. that is the reward for the believers. It is eternal, it is the best place to be as described by Allah.. so.. don't you think to get to such a place requires a 'certificate' or shall I say 'qualification'? When we long for something good i.e. a good grade in an exam or a successful marriage, etc, do they happen without effort? It applies here too, [just an infinity more WORTH (when speaking of Paradise)] don't you think? It requires EFFORT to DESERVE Jannah! So, it is through hardship and challenges Allah provides us platforms to be closer to Him, to enhance our faith in Him, and to ultimately pass the test of faith. He doesn't create problems for you to make you suffer, He creates them despite of that, He loves you and wants you to learn and be strong and stronger and by which we do so by seeking Him. Isn't that beautiful? MasyaAllah, Allah is indisputably the Best Teacher.

Rasulallah S.A.W. said "Verily if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry, upon him is wrath." He loves us. He tests us through trials; to see whether would we stay with Him or would we run away? You know, when things get hard someone would bail out on you and then it is only when someone sticks around after difficult times, you know that friend is true.

I probably don't have much substance to say this but as far as my observation and/or experience goes, one is more likely to seek Allah during bad times and when good times roll, one is probably enjoying life far too much to remember His creator. It is a bad quality of ours, but that is our weakness, one that we are trying to counter, insyaAllah. But yes, so problems are there to remind us of Him; that we can always return to Him in any circumstance. He reminds us by giving us hardship.. that we are weak human beings.. to never lose hope or faith in His mercy. He enhances our humility as a weak servant of His.. pain and hardship have the ability to moderate us, don't you think? In retrospect, reflect back on your experience thus far, has it not? What has been said so far can only exist as my perspective or "theory", and can only be validated by your own experience.

What about patience? I don't think this quality is an inate characteristic.. it is earned. No one says a baby has patience, because they don't. Because they haven't gone through anything in life in order to obtain this quality. It is through challenges and hardship that we have the ability to develop patience and perseverance. When a calamity strikes you, what do you do? I mean, do you attempt to defy it? How? You can't. So you are only left with the option to deal with it. And ofcourse this requires patience. Since then, one can probably apply patience to his daily life. From being patient in waiting in the longest queqe to being patient when somebody wrongs you. To choose patience over anger, conflict and depression. Thus patience is inarguably a blessing from Allah.

"Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance." (2:155-157)

It's like.. nothing I can say will defeat that verse above. Only Allah can come up with such depth in 2 ayats.

Comfortingly, hardship is inflicted upon us to atone for our sins, that is if we emerge from them as believers. Rasulallah S.A.W. said "worry, anxiety, pain, fatigue, sickness, or even a thorn that pricks him - when a believer is afflicted with any of these, Allah grants him pardon for some of his sins (through or because of those afflictions)." So this even strengthens the point of which pain and hardship are blessings in disguise; we may not like something that is good for us but like something that is bad for us as Allah says.

And just to emphasize this point more. Rasulallah S.A.W. illustrates the best example, yet again, masyaAllah. We know that Allah loves him, he is described as kekasih Allah, how do you get any closer to Him than that? He was the closest thing to be called a perfect human being. Rasulallah S.A.W. was an exceptional human being; he was Allah's Messenger yet he lived moderately - he truly devoted his life to Allah's causes. Did he live a perfect life though as in no problems, hardship, challenges, etc? That couldn't be further from the truth; this man experienced hardship from the start of his life from being born without a father to losing his mother at 6 and then continously losing the people he loved after that. Not to mention, what he went through in order to preach people about islam and the teachings of Allah.. he was constantly targetted for assassination, etc. Rasulallah S.A.W. wasn't a wealthy man too; he certainly knew the real meaning of hunger and he did not even want to burden anybody of it so much so he put a cloth containing small stones around his stomach to withold his hunger. I wouldn't compare Rasulallah S.A.W. to anyone, no but take him as an example as he should be.. he was immensely loved by Allah and just learn about his life, in which you will find immense struggle and hardship inflicted upon him.. yet he was unscathed. what more us; how can we be not humbled by acknowledging this alone?

Yes, life is difficult. Surely, it feels helpless to watch or experience a variance in degree of hardship and pain from losing a parent to failing an exam to knowing the world being threatened by terrorism to reading about people live under injustice in Iraq, Rwanda, Palestine, etc to standing by idly whilst other people struggle through natural disasters... but one thing that should be maintained here is that Allah is the Best Planner. He created every inch, every bit of any form of existence, shall we not surrender to believe that He has infinite ability to sustain everything according to what He regards as best? Ultimately, we should place our trust in Allah and only then, our faith will not waver, insyaAllah. And it's definitely easier said than done; to be patient and fully accepting whatever comes our way, but insyaAllah He will ease things for us.. there is relief after every hardship Allah says. He never intends anything bad for us.. never; as He had said in the Quran kami sendiri yang menzalimi diri kami.

Okay that was probably a challenge to get through so I thank you for your time! Excuse me for whatever wrong I might have written for which they are derived from my own inadequacies and everything that was good definitely came from none other than Allah Azza Wajalla. InsyaAllah mudahan Allah will continue to guide us towards His righteous path and cleanse our hearts in order to improve our submission to Him. Amin.

my lame attempt to critically analyze (lazyness)

Yell. O.

Okay I'm just really helplessly lazy so I'm going to cheat and write like a primary one composition model.

1. the french government ban on the hijab, burkhas, etc. i was waiting for a while to write about this and then i decided that i don't really have much to say but this. did any of these 'oppressed' women covered in hijabs, burkhas, niqabs, etc plea to be freed, mr sarkozy? aaaaaaaaanooooooo. huh. wellllllll then what is the problem? because?

"well.. becauze.. itz zoe strenge. tek zat of and luk like evryone elze. becoz zat iz ze only way women should luk likez." "and ofkoz becauze oui r zecular. zecularizm.. franze izza zecular ztate!"

yes that was done in such poor taste but who cares. the point is. i don't get it. don't paint yourself democratic if you're going to strip a woman off liberty in her choice of clothing, pleaze?

i mean okay sorry, time to retract condescending claws. and i would just like to say that this is so unawesome for women who choose to cover for the sake of modesty as prescribed by Allah. and I heard that this ban is not really following through in effect, I'm not sure, the news change like everyday. so to speak, they are "mulling" over the issue but let's just hope the french parliament will be enlightened. insyaAllah.

2. wow you know what. this is going to look a lot worse than a primary one composition piece because that is all i have to say.

ska-doodlez x
salam,
teehee

My grandmother.

today is my nini bini's birthday. she's 72. i wish i could have been there but this is where I am but InsyaAllah that time will come. anyway i don't know but i just feel like writing about her. well appropriately so, it is her birthday. and also she's like easily the strongest woman i know.

she hasn't changed since the first day i met her. obviously i was too young to gather the first few years worth of memories but i know she was there the entire time. she used to tell me all the time about how my mother left us at her house when she went to work and my mom would ask if i was asleep or otherwise. and then she would cry. she would cry talking about my mother. and then i'd cry too. but i loved it. i loved how she told me little stories about my mother. how else would i have at least a trail of her memories.

so there was me. there was my sister. my brother. my father. and she took care of us when my father couldn't. and there was my aunt. there was my cousin. and she took them in with nothing but love too. and there were my other aunts. and my uncles. and she paid as much attention to them too. and there was her husband. my grandfather certainly is not the easiest man to live or deal with and I mean that in the least degrading way possible. but she did not waver in her responsibilities. to this day, she attends to him gracefully. and i love her so much for it. she complains, yes indeed she does. but the sincerity is there. cause her love is unconditional. to all of her family.

and then a decade. marriages and more kids. also we grew up. but i feel like she treats us the same way as she did 20 years ago. and then there are my new cousins. they have not missed the experience of childhood that my grandmother granted me and my siblings and my cousins. Alhamdulillah. one of the things i happen to love about her is her love for her grandchildren. i see it everytime. and i certainly feel it too.

i know she's tired. she takes care of us for this long but she just doesn't know how to not to. and that's one of the things which makes her amazing. she has a lot of patience in dealing with a lot of things that this family had put her through! both good and bad. and no matter how this family has made mistakes, she let them back in. she welcomed them with open arms not with fury. her tears are delicate. as strong as she is, she's a slave of Allah, just like the rest of us, continually tested and her faith remains. as she also keeps reminding us that nothing is as important as prayers and our submission to Allah.

and more of her advice. her teachings. what i've learnt from my grandmother is surely priceless. she always says to me that she may not know what's going on in school and stuff, but she surely can work the kitchen. and indeed she does! so extremely very well, anything she makes i will eat because she makes the best food. yeah, my grandmother did not go to school but she's definitely got a good mind. and she is so hilarious, we totally got the sarcastic genes from her. well nini laki can get sarky too so I guess both, so they can be such riots. Teehee and i know that i cannot repay her for gratitude. the whole family can't. but Allah can. I pray that Allah grants her the rewards of Jannah. and praise be to Allah to have blessed us with such a woman figure. if it weren't for Allah, i would not have her in my life and how my.. our lives would have gone differently if that was the case. Syukran Allah. Syukran for nini bini.