Kaching and what does it matter?

i crave for money for probably various different reasons but mostly just want to live comfortably in this world. i almost completely hold onto it as an essential means, not to just survive, but maximize my insatiable desires. money facilitates my materialist cries and enhances my superficial mind until I allow so much love for it, the love for money reaches my heart. and suddenly the real purpose of life slowly fades into obscurity as money offers itself as a medium to reach my optimum utility.

but I get so insulted when the value of my life is associated with money such as that you can't place a monetary value on a person's life. such that a person's life is immeasurable against price. okay. if the value of my life is indeed priceless, why do I strongly attach price to achieve the value of my life? they might not be precisely the same, but i have to admit that on some level, there is some irony in there. I pretty much acknowledge the fact that one's life is far too valuable; that cannot be measured against anything tangible. and a life is.. a life.. you can't get it back once it's gone. but how come I talk the talk but not walk the walk? if really I think that my life is THAT precious, why do I live my life in ways that don't match its worth?

money does make a lot of things appear easy and convenient. they say money doesn't buy you happiness but how come I feel happy after certain purchases? well i guess sometimes they just do. such happiness might not be true happiness, but that's for another post insyaAllah. So money appears to be necessary in this life, can't go without it, can I? Unfortunately, I often forget the bigger picture here. all the money this world can find belongs to Allah Azza Wajalla ergo every dollar and penny come from Him; so think now have I been spending money that He gave the ways He would be pleased with? EVEN MORE SO, HAVE I THANKED HIM (ENOUGH) FOR SUCH BLESSINGS? Sadly.. I remember myself thinking.. "wish i had more money.. wish i had the money to get that.. wish i had more money.. wish i.. more, more, more, hopefully Allah will give me more in the future, Amin." WHERE IS THE THANKS? WHERE IS THE GRATITUDE? WHERE IS THE HUMILITY? Astaghfirullahalazim.

Pernahkah ku sedar kebesaran Allah dengan cara-caraNya? Allah bagi money supaya I can eat so I can have the energy untuk beribadat. Allah bagi money supaya dapat tinggal arah rumah.. so that I have a place to rest at night time.. dapat sembahyang, beribadat, etc. Allah bagi money supaya dapat belajar.. Allah emphasizes for us to seek knowledge and we do so through education system from attending to schools in Brunei to University now. Allah bagi money supaya dapat sedekah arah orang fakir miskin, supaya ada chance dapat pahala tolong orang susah, dapat pahala because Allah suka orang yang bersedekah.. He gives me money as a means.. as a means to be closer to Him.. yet.. there are more times than I could count in which I walked the other road :'( Astaghfirullahalazim.

kenapa cakap allowance government bagi inda cukup? pasal accommodation mahal bah. takes half of the allowance, or even more. So? Kenapa focus on that instead of saying "Wow masyaAllah, alhamdulillah Allah bagi money senang-senang supaya dapat bayar rent every month so I have this stable and proper place to stay." Other people of my age are probably out there struggling to pay tuition and accommodation fees and I as much as don't need to lift a finger, yet here I am asking for more. Astaghfirullah.

It doesn't take me 5 minutes to answer how I've treated money all my life. to quench my thirst of nafsu. Bukan kah Allah inda suka tu melayan nafsu dunia yang berkelebihan? Astaghfirullah. ya Allah, ampunkanlah hambaMu yang sungguh alpa ini :'(

why do I keep letting myself conform to this consumer society - one that excessively consumes now thus forgoing the investment of the afterlife. Am I really prioritizing a life that is short-lived relative to an eternal one in the Hereafter? What am I after? Who am I doing all of this for? oh why is it so easy for me to be blinded by money.. by materialism.. that cannot progress me towards the path of Allah but only delay it. why do I let myself be defined by the things that I have or the things I want to have? does Allah look at my possessions? Does He value my physical assets? or is He just interested in my heart? If it is my heart that Allah values me for, then why am I doing things that are damaging to the one thing that Allah wants me to look after? If it's not the material things Allah cares that I achieve in this world, what are they for?

If I don't care of what Allah thinks, what is left of me? If I choose to ignore what is actually wrong with me and how I choose to utilize my time in this world, what will I do when He questions me? What will I say to Him when He asks me where did I put Him in my list? What will I say when He points out that I have put Him below money and worldly materials in the list? What will I say or do when the only things I have in the list are money and materials?

why am I more concerned about my dunia balance and not my akhirat balance? why do I constantly complain about not having more than I have been given rather than crying over my countless sins and ways I have caused the displeasure of Allah? why do not I remember that Rasulallah S.A.W. never let anything in sight and mind to delay or prevent him from submitting himself to Allah Azza Wajalla? and he is the greatest example of mankind. why do I not cherish the examples set by the sahabah - Abu Bakar gave everything away during war time because he did not care for money as much as he cared about pleasing Allah - he did not care to leave money for his family because he trusted that Allah takes care of them and that is sufficient. MasyaAllah :')

so what I'm trying to say is that I should try and submit myself to Allah in more ways than one.. and in this context, submit myself away from materialism and just be grateful for what Allah has given me thus far. I should be more unaffected by money and material things so they don't distract me from submitting myself to Allah. Nothing in this world means anything without Him, so it is only right that I make Him my utmost priority. InsyaAllah.. everyday is a battle with myself, with my nafsu.. insyaAllah He will guide us onto the most righteous path, Amin.

speaking to myself before anyone else and forgive my mistakes as they are unintended and derived from my own weaknesses and anything good that you are able to take is completely and wholly from Allah so all praises be to Allah and nobody else.

10 reasons why I love Brunei.

Wheeee I'm on a digressive mode (away from essay writing) so let's roll with 10 reasons why i love Brunei. okay i'm not completely manic, i've been meaning to do this to commemorate national day last week and i'm really trying to be awake in the midst of doing work.

1. FREE HEALTH CARE. don't complain if you have to fork up a dollar for your dentist appointment or whatever because a dollar doesn't even pay for a quarter of a pill in some other countries. and we shouldn't even complain about a long queue because health care is for everyone; you're not the only who are vulnerable to viruses and bacteria and it's free for God's sake, you can't complain.

2. FREE EDUCATION. oh my God. seriously. we don't even get terrible hand me downs textbooks. as i recall, in form 6, we got NEW fresh expensive history textbooks. oh yeah well we needed to return them at the end of every academic year but dude, no exorbitant school fees and resources are provided so easily like that.. masyaAllah. alhamdulillah.

3. PAY NO TAXES. okay, don't go and say "road tax ada jua..............." RELATIVELY, we pay like no tax at all. and so you can also cross tax evasion from that list of potential crimes in brunei.

4. THE SULTANATE. love how islam IS one of the main foundation of this country's administration. Alhamdulillah! come to think the journey our nation had gone through from being known as Poli/Poni founded by Awang Alak Betatar later called Sultan Muhammad Shah circa 1360 (primary school sejarah smack WHOOPA) wow. how much Allah has blessed our country, Allahuakhbar! appreciate what our sultans have had done for us, masyaAllah. their contributions and sacrifices for people of Brunei tend to be underestimated. may Allah bless all our 29 Sultans, Amin. alhamdulillah we were born into a country that has established islamic values.. surely there are many rooms for improvement.. but having those rooms to start with is already pretty good eh? alhamdulillah.

5. NO (EASY) ACCESS TO ALCOHOL. basically this law synchronizes with islamic principles and it makes one "work hard" to buat dosa. so that's discouraging.

6. 80% OF PARKING SPACE IS FREE and even if it does cost... less than 5 dollars bui. in UK, you have to go to a freaking machine to get a parking ticket if you want to place your car under a tree, darn it. see.

5. YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND A PLACE TO PRAY masjid bejurit yo inda tercari sudah inda banyak di sini baru mencari... hakikat manusia?

6. PETROL IS HEAVILY SUBSIDIZED enough said?

7. (relatively) CHEAP FOOD so much GOOD cuisine in brunei. so much. and at relatively reasonable prices yo. I HEART BRUNEI FOOD although that may constitute THAI, CHINESE, JAPANESE AND ITALIAN food *GRIN* and also a person can be fed with ONE BLUE A-DOLLA, only at pasar malammmmm.

8. THE TRAFFIC CAPACITY ISN'T TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT IT CAN CAUSE IMMENSE STRESS at most, usually people get stuck in traffic during certain hours of the day and inda lama banar lah, at most probs one hour or less, most probs less. i think it goes on way longer in countries such as Bangkok, etc.

9. WEATHER ISN'T AS FICKLE yes, it's a hot country... but plessss enter room ada air cond what.... and countless times we've been blessed with rain.

10. IT'S HOME a place where my family resides. and that's what makes home a home ey? and no place feels like it ;)

admittedly, i could have come up with better reasons relative to some others i randomly thought of. but they're fine and now i'm off to working on why political intolerance damages the quality of democracy with reference to gay Americans.

oh and yes happy birthday, F square (yeah i can't get this to be mathematically programmed and type an indices), you STIG photogenix superstarz you.

salam, see you next time, insyaAllah.

MARCH...ing towards time.

Yes, that was quite an excellent or lame (gosh I dislike that word) if you have no sense of humor, pun I came up with above. I know right, I almost left myself in awe, where do I get this stuff from. so this is almost completely uncharacteristic of me to not be looking forward to another holiday season. it is officially March and i'm getting really freaked out by the minute. i feel like i want to start but everything else is catching up with me that i can't really start then. wow.. even I don't buy that excuse.

but no seriously. meh. isn't time spent worrying contributing to time lost? oh my barely 8 months old sony laptop started to make loud noise last night (i am almost convinced it's the fan or whatever) and obviously i'm utterly moved by this implication that i cannot seem to keep a laptop healthy for barely more than a few months. anyway i think it is a sign that i should be reducing time on this technology and solve my problem above. Allah has His ways :) (is it also a sign to......... take this laptop to wherever I bought it for check up WHISTLE)

i hope the next time i write i'll be at home. ha ha ha. jokes. decisiveness sadly almost never wants to wear me. oh and btw Valentines Day the film was surprisingly not cheesy. Well maybe that's not so fair because every rom-com HAS cheese. But this movie was a pretty good pasta let's just say.

anyway it shall be good to start another new month with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim and syukran Allah because we're all still here and breathing and able to say Your name, Alhamdulillah.

(btw everyone knows it's March and the only reason why I know it's Rabiulawal now is because Maulidur Rasul was last week... we gots to recognize Hijrah calendar way better than that bro.)