Farewell.

ramadhan.

you are a solace. you are a grace. you are the holiest of month. you are the noblest of times. your kindness is... unspeakable. you are truly a beautiful gift from Allah. you are repentance.

i wonder now if we will ever meet again. that is uncertain and unknown. but i pray that i do because 30 days to be in your presence does not come near enough. i feel remorseful for the times that i have neglected your promises. but i cherish the times that i seek your graceful rewards.

Muhammad SAW had said that he wished that everyday was you. and i can't imagine what you had meant to him. He must have been much, much, much kinder to you. it was you on the 24th, the Quran was brought to him by Allah's decree. that has made you special an infinity times. Even when you left, his devotion to Allah did not waver. as we are much more prone to. i feel dismayed at how we treat you. a lot of us misunderstand your purpose but the portion of who comprehends, shall Allah be pleased with them.

you have brought a myriad of beauty. you have cleansed our hearts. you have shown us light. you have corrected our misdoings. you have shown us our own reflection. the time when we figure out who we are without syaitan's games.

but now as you depart. are we able to continue this journey until you arrive 365 days later. but will i still be here? will this world still exist? uncertainties. but what is certain is. you are one of Allah's graces. you are one of His significant signs to mankind. you are one of His greatness. Masyallah, Ramadhan...Allah has blessed us through you. and all your attributes come from Allah. your goodness is from none other than Allah.

when i praise you. i praise Allah. when i thank you. i thank Him. so what you have given me and what i have achieved from you. all is derived from Allah. Syukran Ramadhan. in case, we don't meet again. i pray that you speak for me. on the day I am questioned.

i'm not sad. it just feels very heavy to see you leave. but as everything.. this is the decree of Allah. you have fulfilled your promises. Insyallah we have done the same, or at least the best we could. Farewell.

Syawal. you are His blessing too. so you shall be welcomed with open arms. and you represent victory. i'm just not sure if i'm one of thee to be celebrated for.

(i hope your Ramadhan was amazing. let's pray that our deeds were accepted and kena redhai oleh Allah. and Insyallah He will meet us with the future Ramadhans. I look forward to you!)

Sejadah is where the booth is.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. I hope with that, I won't stumble upon my words and not express anything that is in the wrong. Anyway here goes.

It was something that I never used to question. I was taught that we as Muslims are required to pray five times a day and I accepted it. This is regardless of me not fulfilling this duty everyday sometime ago, that's not the question. yet. But so there was no question about it. I didn't really ponder why and what the purpose was, except for the explanation that were given to me on the surface, let them be by my teachers, my parents, my grandparents, my aunts/uncles, etc. In other words, I sort of just took this at its face value.

I might not fully grasp what it is all about yet. I speak this as today. However as I have been growing up with various life experiences, Allah has given me a little of an enlightenment as to what solat should mean to me. And I say that as the weakest hamba Allah. Going back to my interpretation of sembahyang before... it was not something that I made pivotal in my life regretfully. Sometimes, I'd pray. Other times, I just wouldn't. And probably a lot of times, I'd crumple Zuhur and Asar together or Maghrib and Isyak together (by praying late in Zuhur just so in time for Asar tarus so I don't have to do things twice, catch my drift). I thought, you know, there, inda payah dua kali keraja =s. Karang malas lagi. And then there's the ever so famous 'been there done that' story of how you seek Allah by never missing your prayers and adding Hajat prayers when your exam is near or when we are faced with some hardship. How foolish right!! That was the level of shallowness that I had regarding sembahyang. But might I add that, it is ofcourse not wrong to seek Allah when your exams are near or when we're faced with hardships. If not Allah, who else do we seek? Allah is our unwavering friend, so long as we keep seeking Him. He is not comparable to our parents, sebesar-besar mana our parents have helped us in our life, besar dan agung lagi pertolongan Allah arah ketani. Sebaik mana kawan ketani, baik lagi Allah akan kami. He is the companionship that we need all the time. But so yeah, not wrong to seek Him during all of those times. What's wrong with that is our niat. Praying not because of Allah is wrong. And leaving Allah when the rainbows start showing is wronger than wrong. Tapi ini lah manusia. Kita senang alpa dengan kesenangan dan kemewahan, hanya bila susah baru ternangis-nangis mencari pertolongan. I've been there too so I know how it is. And that is jahiliah.

Then one day. Someone asked me. Of all the things that Allah has blessed you with, how have you thanked Him? How have you shown thanks? I was caught off guard. I wasn't uncomfortable because of that person asking me, but it was the fact that I really didn't know how I thanked Him for giving me life. And we can all agree that it is the biggest gift you could ever receive and one that cannot be granted by anyone other than Allah. Do we say thank you, is that enough? We say thank you to Allah just as we say thank you to someone who lends us an umbrella on a rainy day? Oh how we dare do that? How dare we scale the latter's magnitude to the Honor and Nobility of the former? Whether we realize this or we don't. It doesn't suffice to say Alhamdulillah. Ofcourse it's a good thing that we say Alhamdulillah like right after we eat or we hear some good news, etc, etc. But is that where it ends?

So sembahyang to me, is showing our thanks to our Lord. To show and agree that He is the only one worthy of worship. That He is the only one that is capable of everything. To surrender to His decrees and ask for His forgiveness and love. Believe that everything, minute or mega, comes from Allah. It's not just about fulfilling my duty as a Muslim. It's saying thank you Allah for enabling me to wake up to another healthy day. It's saying thank you Allah for maintaining my five senses of sight, taste, touch, hear and smell. It's saying thank you Allah for granting me this family and blissful life. It's saying thank you Allah for giving me Islam. It's saying thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to learn to distinguish between what is light and what is darkness. And this list goes on and on. And might I even say, praying five times a day is still not sufficient to show our gratitude to Allah the Almighty. Allah the Powerful. Allah the one with Most Honour and Most Noble. And as we always are told, as much as we try, we will never be able to live up to the highest of iman. But ofcourse this fact is not supposed to be discouraging! It's supposed to be motivational. This is not in the same context when someone tells you that you'll never be able to study until phd (implying that you're too dumb to be capable of such a task). When it is said that we'll never clear ourselves from complete sin and full good deeds, it means that we're flawed humans that should continually strive in search of keredhaanNya. So we will not get complacent and think "oh man I'm so beriman, I will defo go into the doors of heaven. I do this everyday and I don't do this, like all of other people, gerenti Allah loves me, no doubt." Doesn't that sound incredibly dense? And believe me, despite being created sebaik-sebaik makhluk by Allah, we are so full of weaknesses and flaws that the probability of us allowing to feel complacent is higher than we think. May it be complacency in terms of iman, may it be complacency in academic aspects or whatever.

Okay going back to my initial point. I read this phrase in some forum sometime ago. It was stated in this person's signature I think. It felt light to read. It said "if you want to talk to Allah, perform your prayers. If you want Allah to talk to you, read the Quran." Isn't that simplicity? Maybe you would think that that's quite obvious. But I have seriously never thought about it in that perspective. But once you do.. it's like wow. You want to talk to Allah in the best manner possible. And that is also what sembahyang is also about. And by sort of communicating with Allah, dengan sendirinya ketani akan mendekatkan diri denganNya. That itself is another purpose. Aside from expressing our syukur to Him, it's a means of us continually asking Him for forgiveness to match our continually performances of sins. and as He has repeatedly told us in the Quran that He will continue to forgive you for your continuous sins as long as you continually ask for His forgiveness. Allah Maha Pengampun, MasyaAllah.

As I also keep hearing and indeed sembahyang is like the tiang that you need when you begin building a house so it will be able to stand properly. Our prayers shall protect us from committing sins and ofcourse I don't mean when someone prays 5 times a day, never miss, he will not sin ever again. That's not our nature. I mean we'd like that to be, how we wish that's the case. But no. But it makes praying all the more necessary. If we are prone to committing sins whilst consistently performing prayers, how much more prone would we be to sins whilst not praying?

Also remember that our prayers will save us. The prayers that Allah SWT accept. The day in our grave when we get questioned by the angels. When they ask about our God, and our deeds that synchronized our faith in Allah and islam. our prayers will speak for us. believe in this day. whole heartedly. it will come. and the fact that Allah has given you another day today only means that He is giving you chances after chances to repent =') He hasn't given us another day to add more weight to our sins. He does the opposite. So which one do we want to do? Remember that Allah tidak menzalimi hamba-hambaNya. Malahan mereka sendiri yang menzalimi diri mereka. ='(

Allah ani lagi Maha Pemurah. Inda abis-abis di barinya tani chance. He has blessed us with Ramadhans after Ramadhans. When we perform our wajib prayers, He grants us 70 more times the pahala than the non-Ramadhan times. How gracious? I mean what have we done to deserve such favour? Nothing, I believe yet He has constantly given us His blessings. Masyallah. And for us to ignore them and throw it away like it shouldn't affect us? Instead, we indulge in all these worldly matters that create a facade of happiness to fulfill our lonely souls. Our souls are lonely. that is why we are constantly on the pursuit of something... something that we try so hard to find, to achieve happiness. to fulfill that hollow, empty feeling. why must we look so far. feed our lonely soul with our love for Allah and Insyallah that is sufficient as He is the disposer of all of our affairs.

Not to mention again.. betapa iblis berada di dalam kekalahan bila umat Muhammad menunaikan sembahyang :) apatah lagi kalau berjemaah :)

RASULULLAH S.A.W: "Hai iblis! Apabila umatku mendirikan solat, bagaimanakah keadaan engkau?"

raja iblis : "Itulah sebesar-besar kesusahan kepada hamba. Gementarlah seluruh badan hamba dan lemahlah tulang sendi hamba, maka pada waktu itu, hamba menyuruh puluhan syaitan iblis menggoda setiap orang yang hendak bersolat menerusi anggotanya supaya malas bersolat dan hatinya supaya was-was dalam solatnya serta terlupa bilangan rakaatnya. Jika sekelian iblis berkenaan gagal menggoda seperti yang demikian, nescaya mereka akan hamba hukum seberat-beratnya.

Must feel pretty amazing to beat his(iblis) ass. right? the ball is in our court. so which team do we wanna score for? :)

And ofcourse there are many more countless blessings that are contained in prayers. ones that I have not even discovered yet. Insyallah Allah will guide me onto the right paths and shan't I falter especially on the day that i return to Him. Insyallah same goes to you.

notably, may it be known to you the death of umar ibn al-khattab, when he was stabbed six times with a dagger as he was praying, he did not scream and cry in pain, as we probably would. instead he recited Allah and asked people around him if his prayers was complete. :') Masyallah. there was no care for him in his last moments of life but his affairs with Allah. such faith and strength that man held is beyond my comprehension. one that we all just pray to possess even a tenth of. may Allah be pleased with him, umar, who has brought glory to islam. =') Masyallah. atu baru sahabat Nabi. apatah lagi Muhammad SAW sendiri. Masyallah.

So when we do pray five times a day, Insyallah, the next step is to jaga them. Apa gunanya sembahyang lima kali sehari kalau tidak diterima Allah? Mudahan ibadat ketani akan di pelihara dan di terima oleh Allah. Amin. And on that note, I quote a song, it aint my intention to preach but by sharing thoughts I might find some peace here.

Help me find the right way out of this life's maze.

EDIT: ok this post is kind of old. But old doesn't mean stale so hopefully it's still worth a read. and I changed the post title.

This world leaves me breathless. In ways that are neither good nor bad. It arouses confusion and challenges my perception on everything. I ponder about what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes I convince myself that my definition of right and wrong all this while had been inaccurate. Other times, I don't know what to think. But you know, thinking is not a bad thing. Thinking too much still might not be all that bad. It's not bad when you think so much about akhirat but it certainly is burdening to think too much about dunia. Because the former is forever and the latter is a dimension you will leave sooner or later and of which we will have no remnants of when we return to our creator. It's too bad that I unnecessarily burdened myself all of these years then.

I think a lot of things in this world have gone wrong. That much is probably easy to see and say. But what is difficult to spot most of the time is. how much have I contributed to the wrongs? Other peoples' flaws will always be noticed by us, which is probably why we're always so quick to judge and backbite other people. it's the easiest thing to do. you just pick one random person in this world. and say bad things about that person. done. other people's goodness are hard to find. it's easier to confront other people's shortcomings than our own. it's easier to talk about other people's wrongs than our own. it's easier to laugh and make fun of other people than ourselves? Our own mistakes, on the other hand, are not that obvious. I'm biting my own tongue when I say this, trust me. We all acknowledge that we're not perfect blah blah but which area needs improvement? What can we do to better ourselves? Like my good friend, hanisah ab had gently reminded me in her post, we must always think the lowest of ourselves. That way, we'll always try to push ourselves to become better people. I don't interpret this as a way of bringing ourselves down and having no confidence in ourselves. But this shall be a humble feature that we should ingrain in ourselves so we protect us from thinking bad about other people perhaps? let's remind ourselves mengapakah perasaan sombong dan bongkak itu buruk? kerana ia adalah tingkah laku iblis. that is the way he acted when Allah asked segala malaikat, jin dan segala makhluk to prostate to nabi Adam. we all know that story. anyway it's not my intention to preach but this is mostly to create a reminder for everyone mostly myself so I stress. But the sadder part has to be when we don't realize the things we hate/dislike about other people are present in our very ownselves :(

I feel like a hypocrite. Ofcourse I do. That's probably one of the worst things you can describe yourself, but I think so. But anyway that doesn't make me want to give up though. I can't eliminate my faults in one go, maybe I can do it gradually day by day. I'm still figuring things out everyday. as you probably are too. we all are weak. we take forward steps today, we will walk backwards again the next day. but Insyallah forward steps >>>>backward steps.

But going back to what I was saying at the start of this post. you only live once. that's what they always say. so live it to the fullest. they say again. what did they mean? study hard til phd, so i can be someone respectable in society? work hard so I can earn tonnes of cash? socialize hard so i gain a dense network of friends, so I become popular?

nay. i will never bring my economics into akhirat. as i will not bring cash and property to the hereafter. i will not remember any of my family and friends in akhirat as they also will not recognize me. our journey is never ending til the day we die, and we have the liberty to choose how we want to get "there" but our destination should not vary. it's up to you to interpret what that means :)

As ush, speaking to myself before anyone else. Salam.