stop yourself from stopping yourself

bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

alhamdulillah, all praises belong to Allah, Most Loving, Most Merciful. greetings upon Rasulullah SAW, the most perfect person sent as a mercy to the world. 

it's funny, you know, sometimes how different you look at the world or life itself as you age. it could be the same, exact thing four years ago and you can have it again today, and most likely you would probably feel differently towards it. 

sounding pretty cryptic here, but anyway I guess I just thought about what I would say to my younger self. I realised that growing up, I had this mindset about avoiding mistakes as much as possible. so much so, that it almost always took away the courage to try things that scared me or had the possibility of me failing. 

because today, I would say that we shouldn't be afraid to make mistakes. that we shouldn't waste our times to seek perfection, because that's probably the furthest thing that we should be attaining in life well for one because it's unattainable, so we would find ourselves chasing for something that will never be in our reach. so apparently it's okay to make mistakes, and not to be afraid to make them because sometimes that's the best way to learn. 

also, I guess we get scared to feel pain thinking that it would make us less somehow. but again, to deprive us of that wouldn't advance us as a person at all... I mean we shouldn't always not put ourselves out there, to protect us from pain... because if we always make decisions based on that then when else would we find the strength to recover? when else would we have the beauty to find a cure? when else would we know the difference between pain and joy or relief? 

this isn't an expression of regret, i certainly hope not. of course there are always those thoughts about wishing to do things differently, etc... but surely things happen for a reason, and good ones. it's not about changing history, it's about learning from history and looking forward to a better future. it's so corny i know but just think for a moment, how true that can be. it's all about the resolve, you know, certainly we can't do things differently in the past... but we can do so now... and more so in the future. 

so how ever old you are... go on and take a step outside of your comfort zone, do things for the right reasons, and while it's rational to always seek for things that you feel secure about, life has to be more than being good at what you do... because it also needs to be about doing something and probably falling flat on our faces, but then there would come that moment when we get to lift ourselves off and smile or even cry because at least we felt the ground. who wants to sit on a pedestal for the rest of their lives anyway. 

I mean, don't get scared to get wet, because surely you know that you'd be dry again.

so dear, please... don't be so overprotective of yourself... so much so that it stops you from living. don't be scared about bruises and scars, just make sure they mean something. 

most times, we would discover that the hardest barricade to overcome in life is our own selves. sure other people or things can try to block us from whatever, but only we get to decide our attitude to deal with them. i read this profound quote which says "your attitude determines your altitude". interesting, eh?  

most importantly, sow the right intentions and ask Allah for guidance. because at the end of it, what else do we seek for if it's not to be closer to Him? in this world, we don't get to see Him, but there are so many clues or signs rather that He's given for us to find our way. so no, don't live for the sake of living... don't feel unafraid in vain... for sure fear is necessary, keep it in a good amount... and just remember to lean on Him. isn't that just the best way? 

ahhh... and make doas... that we would be chosen to be of those who get to see Him in the Hereafter. certainly that must be the greatest reason to live. 

Ramadan reflections

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

all praises and thanks belong to Allah, ar Rahman ar Raheem. salutations to our beloved Rasulullah SAW, the best creation to have ever walked on the surfaces of Earth. 

Can you believe that Allah has granted us yet another Ramadan? So much mercy. One of the best gifts that we could ever receive in our lifetime, really. Ramadan Kareem to all of you.

Allah’s Messenger SAW said, “When the month of Ramadan starts, the gates of the heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed and the devils are chained.” [Bukhari]

Allah has definitely made much ease for us during this holy month, not to say that He doesn't during other months, but more so in Ramadan, what with, among others, the gates of Heaven being opened and gates of Hell being closed and that the devils are chained. 

Having said that, I hope people realise that this doesn't mean that things become easy without effort. Yes the devils are chained during Ramadan, but it doesn't mean that we turn into angels. Our free will is maintained, and our nafs remains with us. So, sometimes, we may encounter ourselves having bad thoughts or whatnot during Ramadan, that must be the nafs. It's sad yes, that you realise that we are capable of it, even without syaitan, but you know what, we have to overcome it. That's the point. 

If we aren't able to deter bad thoughts or action in Ramadan, without the interference of Syaitan, how would we be able to do so outside of Ramadan, when Syaitan presents us a book of bad ideas to execute? We have to acknowledge what our role is in this month; and most importantly tell nafs who's the boss! 

It's the same way with doing good deeds... like let's say someone wants to start praying regularly in Ramadan. Yes, which better month to change than this time, but honestly it can only happen when one takes the step forward. It doesn't work in such a way that one day before Ramadan we were in a state of heedlessness, and then we wake up it's Ramadan, suddenly our limbs are taking action we find ourselves subconsciously performing solat. No. 

Ramadan is not an act of throwing some fairy dusts onto someone or a pious person touching someone's head while reciting some Quranic verses and poof holy they become. No. 

Ramadan is like a platform. But we have to get up on the stage, if we want to make the step forward. Trust me. Yes I know it's hard, but trust me because. 

The month of Ramadan is that in which the Quran was revealed, a guidance to men and clear proofs of the guidance and the distinction; therefore whoever of you is present in the month, he shall fast therein, and whoever is sick or upon a journey, then (he shall fast) a (like) number of other days; Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire for you difficulty, and (He desires) that you should complete the number and that you should exalt the greatness of Allah for His having guided you and that you may give thanks. [Al Baqarah:185]

I don't get tired of saying how Ramadan is not just about the restrain from food, drinks and other desires. Simply because it's not. The Quran was sent down to us during this month, Ramadan is the month of Quran. How do we celebrate this month without bonding with the Quran, like we have ever done in other months? We appreciate Quran all 12 months long, there is no doubt about that, but let's use Ramadan as a time to do more with it. Perhaps, recite more of it, reflect upon it more, listen to its recitation, anything.. and may we become people who are more grateful! 

We simply cannot make this like any other month, that's just like making business with no profit. 

I mean, it's just so easy as well to lose sight of Ramadan, especially when it has become somewhat of a custom. Even more crazy is that we have associated this month with more buffet and eateries - facepalm. But it's a reality. However, it's not one that I want to teach my children. I don't want them to grow up thinking that Ramadan is about having less hours at school/work, (buffet) iftars and terawih. [Of course, terawih is one of the special things about Ramadan, and I don't belittle it, but there is somewhat of even that being a culture, and I don't think that's what it should be!] 

So Ramadan is midway now, but still not too late. For us to embrace this month, for what it truly represents - and this is really up to ourselves. We can be told what it means, so and so, such and such, but the only one who can really live it is ourselves through the choices that we make. Remember - we still make our own choices. may Allah guide us to make the right ones. aameen. 

I, myself, have much to fix and Allah knows it. Please forgive me for my wrongdoings. 

So, please, let's make doas for one another, and set the intentions for the best Ramadan that we have ever experienced, and for our good habits to remain beyond Ramadan and for our bad habits to be buried forever after it. 

may Allah accept all our good deeds, may Allah guide us to keep firm and steadfast in His deen til the end, may we gain taqwa, may we develop a closer bond with the Quran, may Allah forgive all of our sins, may He save us all from the Fire and may He enter us all into Jannatul Firdaus without reckoning aameen ya Rabb. 

Dear Allah...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Assalamualaikum wrb,

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah, all praises and thanks belong to Allah SWT, the Most Merciful, Most Loving, Most Forgiving. may Allah forgive all our sins and guide our hearts to true and sincere repentance aameen. greetings and salutations upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, our role model. 

it hasn't been that long since the first time I fell in love with You... but why do I struggle to remember it sometimes? why is it so difficult to contain the feelings but so easy for it to slip away and forget? yet in spite of all of that, i know that Your love for me is still there, even when I was wavering and weakening, You are still there... ready to wait for me to come back running to You.. and You would open Your arms for me, and pick up pieces of my heart and mend them whole again. 

Your unconditional love sustains me, Your mercy enables me to breathe, even during the darkest hours, and I didn't know what to do or think, You held me when nobody else knew what I was going through. I spoke and You listened. Sometimes even my heart became hard, You surprised me with a glimmer of hope that brought me back. 

I am weak and You know so. You are my only source of strength. During times of hardship, You know what I can bear even when I didn't know myself. You gave them to me, only because You wanted to hear me speak.. cry and shed tears, handing over my affairs to You and it was all You teaching me to rely on You. and indeed, everything that I had been able to get through was all due to You. 

certainly I haven't been as best as I could be. but Your love really encourages me... despite my infinite flaws.  teach me ya Rabb to love and worship You the way that You are pleased with. 


You have always been there, since day zero. Before I knew myself.  but I hope my happiest moment is yet to come. because the happiest moment is when a slave gets to see the face of his Master. make me and my loved ones of Your slaves who will be granted the sight of You, ya Wadud, aameen. 


o Allah... guide us to the straight path. Allahumma aameen.