dark clouds.

assalamualaikum.

i feel completely helpless. i want to get over this state of fear about the consequences of the future so much. dark clouds are above me. the only thing that keeps them away from stomping on me though is hope. hope that i am frankly struggling to keep. and it questions my heart where it really is. but i know, as i repeatedly inject into my thoughts that this hope is all i have. i am helpless but i am hopeful. i have nothing else to cling onto but hope. i really in every sense of the word have nothing to hold onto but hope. there is nothing that suffices me but hope. and i really don't care at the risk of sounding cliche at all because that is the furthest of what I'm feeling, of what I feel :')

just when i'm on the brink of hopelessness... the last few strands of hope save me from drowning and following where the dark clouds go. the last few strands. just when I'm about to fall and maybe I have fallen.. something picks me up.. and that is that bit of hope I managed to keep amidst the situation that I am enveloped in. and there's nothing else that will keep me going.. there's nothing else that can make me go but this hope.

sorry for painting such vagueness and maybe depressing the already darkening clouds. but there is a silver lining. there is always a silver lining.. maybe i can't see it now, maybe you can't see it now, but i believe in it truly that there's always a silver lining.. especially when you hold onto hope. and the "hope" that I have been speaking of in context is not the kind of slogan Barack Obama used in his presidential campaigns or anything of that sort.

Hope that has me going here is the one that has been placed by Allah. seriously, i keep telling myself.. if i lose this, i have nothing else. the hope that i so desperately need that enables me to breathe in a myriad of difficulties. this hope that helps me walk through thorns and hardship. the source of this hope.. more than anything.. is completely my everything. at this point, whatever will the outcome be.. that is what Allah has made for me.. and what I can take comfort in is that I have hope upon Him.. hope on His mercy upon me.. that will never die, insyaAllah.. because without this faith, how will I be able to stand? where would I go to in prosperity and adversity?

ya Allah.. only You know my joys and sorrows. sometimes, or most times, I don't even think I understand my own feelings and thoughts, but You know me more than I know myself.. and what will keep me going through uncertainties in life is the certainty that You are sufficient for me, insyaAllah :)