I'm leaving on an airplane, I don't know when I'll be back again.

Today marks 10. More days to my departure. I can’t wait. But the realization is close to hitting home as I spend one minute and the next with my family. My Dad has been reminding me… he knows that I’m really looking forward to it, and in his words, “so you’ll be far away from me, kan?”

…

What will you do when you fall sick and Bapa’s not there to check on you in your room and asks if you’re okay and gives you the meds?

…

I’ll miss you, Pa.

Today marks 6. More days to my departure. I still can’t wait. But the realization is closer to hitting home as I spend one minute and the next with my family. My nini bini’s been asking me to sungkai at her place everyday now. Which I do, well almost everyday. I can’t even imagine how much I will miss her. I grew up in nini’s house and she’s just… everything. The glue that holds everyone together. The kindest heart I know.

Although I’m not exactly beaten over at the fact that I won’t be celebrating Raya in Brunei this year, I will miss how Nini makes nasi lemak for the first day of raya because I love it. She’s approaching 70 but she’s the busiest woman in the house, I love her strength. I can see that day to day she would go to the ends of the Earth for her husband, her children and her grandchildren, and it’s incredibly inspiring.

I can’t imagine a life without her.

“Berapa hari lagi ni, lai, nda ko tidur sini?”

..

2. two.

I miss the kids =’(

And I haven’t even left yet.

I’ve been watching them grow since day one and now to leave as they are growing up… is hard. To miss significant moments as they’re growing up … makes me feel so =/

=’[ I can’t think of how I won’t be able to see them as often as I do.

I’m going to miss the Saturdays. I’m going to miss the cinema trips then us alluring Pamit to belanja Swensons! Aww. I won’t be here to bring them watch High School Musical 3. In October. I won’t be here for Ily and Dina’s birthdays. They’re going to be… seven.

Sweetie, don’t fight so much when Kaka is no longer around.

And please look after each other.

I’ll be back with pretty dresses, I promise you girls. (And shirts for you boys!)

… and don’t grow up too much.

<333333>

Sigh.

Sigh.

SIGH.

I’m going to miss my family so much.

=’(

...

……

………………….

I don’t wanna leave Nini.

I don’t wanna leave the kids.

I knew I would be sad eventually about leaving but it’s nowhere near where I’m feeling.

…

So.

No more wait.

Okay. Here you go. The day you’ve been anticipating for. There. You. Have. It.

It’s finally your turn. Happy? Ofcourse I am.

I want this more than anything. Then?

Then…

Then… I leave.