I think... everyday... subconsciously I think to myself what is the purpose of life. My mind throw several answers and I somehow just silently think yeah maybe that's it. The purpose of life is to live life to the fullest. The purpose of life is to serve a meaning in this world. The purpose of life is to embrace what you can get and enjoy it - don't be a coward and live in your own corner, don't be selfish with your own wants and needs - be happy, healthy and successful.
And then this morning, I realize that none of those mean anything. Suddenly the problems that I let occupy my mind and life seem so incredibly acute. They appear so minuscule when put next to the big thoughts I was washed over with. Our purpose of life is one and one only that is to serve as God's creation - sebagai Hamba Allah. What are my life problems when compared to what I have to face in later life and what answers do I give when asked about the sins that I have committed?
Allah has granted us many, many blessings - but what have we done to return the favor? Just one simple example of Him letting you live just another day, what have I done to thank Him? And apatah lagi for these 19 years? Apakah syukur yang telah ku berikan setelah segala yang dikurniakan Allah? That's a very good question posed to me this morning. It did leave me dumbfounded. 19 years, and 19 years.. you have all these accomplishments in life and yes, they are significant but they really mean nothing when I am no one in God's eyes. You know what I'm trying to say? Obviously I might as well be the last person to impose these questions on you, meaning macam rasanya inda layak menanya orang lain hal-hal Allah. But making you feel small is the least of my intentions, I just want to bring this across just like how someone has made me reflect upon the bigger picture. It might leave you unaffected, it might make you think, I don't know. I don't even know what effect it will give me in the long-term. So many times I have come across strong messages but continuity is always a problem of mine.
Dunia sangat lah indah. Kami hanya lah manusia yang mudah lupa dan berkenan kepada keindahan dunia. Kehidupan sungguh melalaikan dan bila manis, kami suka meraikannya dan mungkin itu membuatkan kami lebih jauh daripadaMu. Hanya bila kami bersedih dan berada dalam kesusahan, kami akan teringat padaMu dan meminta pertolongan dariMu. Ya Allah, berikanlah kami petunjuk agar kami menjalani kehidupan kami sebagaimana yang Engkau redhai. Amin.
Tapi aku juga sedar bahawa dunia ini penuh dengan kekejaman. Kerana syaitan berada di mana-mana, menanam perasaan hasad dengki dan pelbagai buruk, hina dan busuk di hati-hati manusia. Bila ku fikirkan adakah diriku sebahagian kekejaman dunia, hati rasa sungguh perit dan takut. Ya Allah, lindungilah aku serta keluargaku dan kawan-kawanku dari segala keburukan. Amin.
And what I am afraid most of is losing these thoughts the morning after I wake up tomorrow :S Like what I said about continuity earlier. I can question myself over and over but if I don't do what I'm supposed to, it leaves me nowhere lah. I thought to myself Insyallah, take baby steps. I cannot promise that I will jaga my aurat 100% or that I will pray 5 times a day for the rest of my remaining life - ofcourse I want to. I want to be near, I want to feel close to Allah and the only way to do that is to give yourself to Him and Him only. Allah sudah memberikan kita nikmat kehidupan, dan akhirnya aku akan kembali kepadaNya jua. Insyallah. Also, I cannot deny that I am thirsty, I crave for desire to have, want, unnecessary things in life. And I also realized that living in the UK makes it more challenging, as we often go on about how awesome London is and the place is almost literally limitless. Ia membutakan aku, kemewahan disana sungguh membutakan.
Insyallah. one month. 2 years. 7 years. 10 years. Insyallah Allah will let me be a better Muslimah in my lifetime and I pray the same for you. Amin.
And then this morning, I realize that none of those mean anything. Suddenly the problems that I let occupy my mind and life seem so incredibly acute. They appear so minuscule when put next to the big thoughts I was washed over with. Our purpose of life is one and one only that is to serve as God's creation - sebagai Hamba Allah. What are my life problems when compared to what I have to face in later life and what answers do I give when asked about the sins that I have committed?
Allah has granted us many, many blessings - but what have we done to return the favor? Just one simple example of Him letting you live just another day, what have I done to thank Him? And apatah lagi for these 19 years? Apakah syukur yang telah ku berikan setelah segala yang dikurniakan Allah? That's a very good question posed to me this morning. It did leave me dumbfounded. 19 years, and 19 years.. you have all these accomplishments in life and yes, they are significant but they really mean nothing when I am no one in God's eyes. You know what I'm trying to say? Obviously I might as well be the last person to impose these questions on you, meaning macam rasanya inda layak menanya orang lain hal-hal Allah. But making you feel small is the least of my intentions, I just want to bring this across just like how someone has made me reflect upon the bigger picture. It might leave you unaffected, it might make you think, I don't know. I don't even know what effect it will give me in the long-term. So many times I have come across strong messages but continuity is always a problem of mine.
Dunia sangat lah indah. Kami hanya lah manusia yang mudah lupa dan berkenan kepada keindahan dunia. Kehidupan sungguh melalaikan dan bila manis, kami suka meraikannya dan mungkin itu membuatkan kami lebih jauh daripadaMu. Hanya bila kami bersedih dan berada dalam kesusahan, kami akan teringat padaMu dan meminta pertolongan dariMu. Ya Allah, berikanlah kami petunjuk agar kami menjalani kehidupan kami sebagaimana yang Engkau redhai. Amin.
Tapi aku juga sedar bahawa dunia ini penuh dengan kekejaman. Kerana syaitan berada di mana-mana, menanam perasaan hasad dengki dan pelbagai buruk, hina dan busuk di hati-hati manusia. Bila ku fikirkan adakah diriku sebahagian kekejaman dunia, hati rasa sungguh perit dan takut. Ya Allah, lindungilah aku serta keluargaku dan kawan-kawanku dari segala keburukan. Amin.
And what I am afraid most of is losing these thoughts the morning after I wake up tomorrow :S Like what I said about continuity earlier. I can question myself over and over but if I don't do what I'm supposed to, it leaves me nowhere lah. I thought to myself Insyallah, take baby steps. I cannot promise that I will jaga my aurat 100% or that I will pray 5 times a day for the rest of my remaining life - ofcourse I want to. I want to be near, I want to feel close to Allah and the only way to do that is to give yourself to Him and Him only. Allah sudah memberikan kita nikmat kehidupan, dan akhirnya aku akan kembali kepadaNya jua. Insyallah. Also, I cannot deny that I am thirsty, I crave for desire to have, want, unnecessary things in life. And I also realized that living in the UK makes it more challenging, as we often go on about how awesome London is and the place is almost literally limitless. Ia membutakan aku, kemewahan disana sungguh membutakan.
Insyallah. one month. 2 years. 7 years. 10 years. Insyallah Allah will let me be a better Muslimah in my lifetime and I pray the same for you. Amin.
